Brenda 00:00:01 Welcome to your yes, build life. I'm your host, Brenda Winkle, educator, healer, speaker, guide and fierce advocate for your. Yes, I help sensitive and successful men and women find, reclaim and live from their full embodied. Yes, through empowering you to understand your energetic hygiene, establish healthy boundaries, and heal your nervous system, you'll be able to create your yes filled life and move through your days with more freedom, more ease, and more joy. You'll hear inspiring stories of people who found their full bodied yes thought leaders who pursued their own dreams and are living life on their terms, and learn new ways to find the courage, joy, ease and freedom to more fully step into your yes filled life. Saying no to the good so you can say yes to the great. Join me on this journey to discover your yes filled life. Whether you're looking to break free from the golden handcuffs, start a new business, find your dream job, or simply live with more intention and mindfulness, I've got you covered.
Brenda 00:01:15 Let's explore the possibilities together and make your dreams a reality. Ready? Let's do this. Let's get you to your yes filled life. Hello and welcome to your yes filled life. I'm your host, Brenda Winkle. Today we are going to be talking about how you can make 2025 the year that you stop people pleasing. Now, before you think, but wait, I'm not a people pleaser. I don't need to listen to this episode. I want you to hear some stories that I'm going to be sharing because I wouldn't have identified as a people pleaser either. Now, this podcast episode is for the high achiever, the Professional, the entrepreneur, the light worker who has for most of her life worked and hustled and strived for the gold star. And you know, there are so many benefits to being a high achiever. We get things done, we make things happen. We, you know, we achieve. We achieve everything. One of the problems with being a high achiever is that sometimes we can high achieve literally everything, even things that are supposed to be fun.
Brenda 00:02:29 Like last week, for example, I was in the DMs, and one of the people that I was connecting with was telling me the story about how her doctor gave her a prescription to find a hobby. And so she found a hobby, and her chosen hobby was gardening. Well, it wasn't too long before she had planted and then replanted and then replanted her garden until she was literally high achieving the garden, and her doctor asked her about how much time she was spending in the garden, and she had displaced the high achieving parts of her that the doctor had hoped would bring some more relaxation and rest into this woman's life. She'd replaced that with high achieving in the garden, and so I related so much to that story, and I thought I might I thought you might relate to it as well. Now, as we prepare to step into 2025, I want to ask you, what do you think your life would look like if you stopped worrying about what other people think and start prioritizing your own joy and well-being? Because here's the truth when you say yes to yourself, you create a ripple effect, a really positive ripple effect.
Brenda 00:03:43 Your energy shifts, your boundaries strengthen, and you attract opportunities that align with your soul's deepest desires. Now here's the thing. This is really subtle work. and there are 101 ways that most of us are not stepping into our full power. Let me give you an example. There was a woman that I was having a conversation with last week, and I was, doing some work inside of a program for one of my clients. I had created, a 14 day series to stop emotional eating, drinking, and scrolling for one of my clients. And I was inside her program on the app answering questions about the 14 videos that I'd created, and one woman asked me if she could get some tips and tricks to help her ten year old son to stop an emotionally overwhelming situation. Like, what do you do when your ten year old is sobbing hysterically in the airport? That was the root of her question, and she went on to explain how, you know, she tried to get him to calm down.
Brenda 00:04:53 She didn't want him to be too loud or upset any other travelers, and was really fearful of being kicked off the plane. If her ten year old continued to be as upset as he was as he was being. And I understood this on so many levels because I've been there. I remember when my daughter was little. I remember flying from Kansas City, where I lived at the time, to Denver, because I was flying from Kansas City to Denver and then Denver to Shannon, Nebraska, which is a tiny little regional airport. And I remember that my daughter had ear infections. She had chronic ear infections until she was like nine months old. Well, she was in the middle of an ear infection. And so the first flight from Kansas City to Denver went, okay. It wasn't terrible. but the one from Denver to Chadron, oh my gosh, we were in a puddle jumper. Like one of those little tiny, like 6 or 8 seating airplanes. And my daughter cried. She was a small child.
Brenda 00:05:56 So like the wailing, crying, sobbing cry for the entire flight, thank goodness it was like an hour. But she cried the whole time. I was mortified at that time. This would have been like in 2001, 2002, and this was before I'd even considered, that I might be people pleasing I that was not even on my radar. I was in survival mode. I just wanted my daughter to be okay. I wanted to visit my family, and I was mortified that my daughter was howling and crying. I was concerned that she was in pain. I really didn't want her to be in pain, and I wanted to find ways to ease her pain. So, you know, I, I don't remember if I was still nursing at the time, but I know I was trying to get her to drink because sometimes the jaw movement can ease the pressure in the ears. But anyway, I related so much to what this woman said about her ten year old because of that trip with my own daughter.
Brenda 00:06:51 And so I gave her some specifics on ways that we can really come to the end of a really hysterical outburst with kids, some things that can support them, and then some things to preempt them that you can teach in a neutral moment. And that was supported. But I asked her, I said, you know, I'm picking up something else here. Is it okay if we go deeper? And she recognized on her own that she was disallowing her own child to experience his emotions, and those are her words, not mine. And I thought, yeah, that's exactly right. In other words, in that moment, we're prioritizing the needs and preferences of people we know nothing about. We don't even know them over the needs of our own family members. And when we look at it like that, sometimes it can give us space to create a perspective shift. There's no judgment here, right? I mean, I was telling you just about being in the plane and being mortified about what people thought when my own daughter was crying.
Brenda 00:07:50 So this is not coming from a place of judgment. This is coming from a place of deep experience. But this is a subtle form of people pleasing. Actually, it's not even that subtle. It's not subtle. It's just not what we think of as people pleasing. If you're prioritizing the needs and preferences over people you don't know, people you've never had a conversation with over your own needs or over the needs of your family. That's a form of people pleasing. Now, of course, there is a case to be made that we want to be considerate of people in public. And of course, that's okay. We do want to be considerate and kind to people in public, but we can't be considerate and kind to people in public over being kind and considerate to ourselves and to our family members. Or we have started some kind of a people pleasing. So this is what might unlock your energy challenge is about. It's a five day experience that's going to start on January 6th. It's going to help you reclaim your energy and set the tone for a yes filled year where you can get really tuned into the subtle ways you might be people pleasing, giving away your power, giving away the power of your family.
Brenda 00:09:06 And each day over four days, January 6th through ninth, we're going to dive into tools like breathwork, somatic practices, and energy healing so that you can feel lighter, clearer, and more vibrant. So imagine starting 2025 as the year fully aligned with what lights you up, really clear on what you want it to be, and really clear on what's best for you and your loved ones, and also making space that what is best for your loved ones may not be best for you, and what's best for you may not be best for your loved ones. And here's the thing I'm going to say what's best for you actually is best for your loved ones. I bet you didn't expect that. And here's why. What's best for you is best for your loved ones. I have to put on some lip gloss right now. My lips are feeling really, really chapped. Okay, so let's take let's take your your personal let's take the example of going to an exercise class. So my sister and I just had a phone call this morning.
Brenda 00:10:19 My sister lives in Madison, Wisconsin, and I'm getting ready to hop on a plane and go visit them over the holidays. I'll be there over New Years, and she was telling me that she was going to yoga today, even though it wasn't what worked best for her family, because that's what actually worked best for her family. So what she's saying is, even though the schedule isn't convenient for her family, the outcome of my sister getting to process emotions and pour into her own cup is what's best for her family. And so there's this subtle balance that happens, especially if you're a woman, especially if you have children, where we really do need to put ourselves first so that we can put the other people in our lives in positions where they are able to receive fully what we have to offer. So I want you to think about something else. Here's another question for you. Where is your energy going? Are you spending it on things that actually matter to you, or are you caught in a cycle of over giving and people pleasing? And again, people pleasing is subtle, and if you have deep empathy and compassion, I am telling you, your people pleasing more than you even know you are.
Brenda 00:11:36 Ask me how I know this has been part of my journey. And you know the more I'm on this journey, the more I'm realizing how many subtle ways I have people please in the in the past. Let me give you an example. Just from this week, my daughter took me Christmas shopping and she wanted to help me pick out some lovely plants for my new home because I gave away all my plants when I went traveling full time in June, and I just thought that was an amazing idea. So we went to the store together and we picked out two plants that are absolutely gorgeous. I feel like they kind of picked me, actually. I was just like standing next to them and found my hand reaching out to touch the leaves and then the other one that was the first one and then the second one. I was looking around and I didn't see anything with my eyes, but I just felt something. And so I moved to plants, leaves out of the way to find this other plant that was hidden underneath them.
Brenda 00:12:34 And that's absolutely the plant that came home with me. So I can't remember the name of the first one. I'll have to look it up. But the second one, my daughter, she's 23, so she just opens up her phone app and she opens up like the Google. The Google Lens takes a photo of the leaves and pulls up exactly what kind of plant this is in, like 3.2 seconds. Well, it's called a Zanzibar palm, also known as a Z plant. And it's especially for Pisces. I'm a Pisces and it's for protection and abundance and growth and all the things. And I was like, well, of course that plant stood out to me. So anyway, we got our two plants, that she's giving me for Christmas and I'm so grateful. So excited. They already look beautiful. I got to take them home with me that day because, well, therefore, the house and they're big. They're big. So anyway, we get up to the checker and we were doing a little bit of other shopping because it was one of those big box stores that offer more than one thing.
Brenda 00:13:37 So there's a plant section and a home section and a grocery section and all the things. And I was thinking that I wanted to buy, I didn't want to buy, but I needed to buy toilet paper and paper towels, and I always drag my feet a little bit about buying toilet paper. I don't know about you, but I just always look at the price and I'm like, is that really worth it? And of course it is, because I buy toilet paper. I use toilet paper. but there's something about it that makes me slow down a little bit. But I saw the kind of toilet paper that I like, and it looked like it was on sale, and it looked like it was on sale for, I don't know, I'm going to make up a number. Let's just say it was like $16 or something. So I go to the checkout and we my daughter wanted to do self-checkout because there were long lines. It's Christmas season, all of the things. So we get up to the checkout and I she bought the plants and a couple of the things that she had bought, and I was picking up some things too.
Brenda 00:14:38 And then I put the toilet paper through the, through the thing, the self-checkout scanner and it rang up as $30 and I'm like $30 for 18 rolls of toilet paper. No thank you. Like I'm not going to do it. I'm just not going to do it. And it's not that I have a problem spending $30, it's just that it said it was 16, right? So I'm like, no, I'm putting this back. And I didn't give it a second thought. I just pushed cancel and I'm at the self-checkout. So now I push cancel the thing and then they have to call the attendant and the little light starts to flash. And there was a period of time in my life when that would have absolutely put me over the edge. I could not have done it. It would have made me absolutely collapse under the pressure of one standing out to being inconvenient for someone else in order to take care of my own needs. And three the thought of telling something or somebody that something wasn't what I expected would have like.
Brenda 00:15:45 It would have been crushing. But as I stood there, I was like, I'm not buying this toilet paper and I just don't care. I'm just I'm not doing it. And it wasn't that I was mad about it. It wasn't that at all. It was that I was so confident and this isn't what I want to do. And so I pushed no. And then my daughter quickly. She was cute. She's like, I'm gonna go wait for you over there. So she pushes the cart with the other things over against the wall, and she's waiting for me just watching. And the guy comes over. He doesn't even really say anything other than hey, and he takes the toilet paper off my receipt, and off he goes down his way, and. And I go back over to my daughter and I'm like, okay, that's great. I got what I needed and I'll just get my toilet paper a different day from a different place. And she looks at me and she's like, yeah, that was pretty cool.
Brenda 00:16:32 She said, you know, I come here all the time and I know that guy, and I know he doesn't get rattled, but, it was interesting just watching you. And I was like, what do you mean? And she's like, you were just so confident that you were not buying that toilet paper, and you really didn't care if you held up the line. And I was like, well, yeah, I didn't care because the toilet paper rang up as more than double what it said it was on the thing. And she's like, yeah, but it's still it's pretty interesting. It's cool. And I thought about that as I got in the car to head home, and that would have been another form of people pleasing, really subtle people pleasing, where I would have not wanted to be inconvenient. I would have not wanted to go, you know, have anyone go to extra trouble to help me either not buy something I wanted to buy or to buy something. And in other words, I'm putting someone else's preferences that I haven't even talked about.
Brenda 00:17:25 I don't even know if it's their preference above my own desires and needs. People pleasing is really, really subtle, and I guarantee you that if this story resonates with you, where there would have been a time, or maybe that time is now where it would be really difficult for you to say, this isn't what I want and to put it back without like, taking it home and returning it a different day, or taking it home and just sucking it up and buying it. You know, you're not alone. I was there for decades, literally decades. But now I'm not there. Like I literally am done with people pleasing. I'm aware of situations where I would have people pleased in the past. It comes up for me. I'm like, wow, I totally would have done that differently several years ago. And so there is an awareness and I want to give you a free resource, a tool that you can use to see when this is happening for you. Why? Because if your people pleasing in any capacity, you are literally leaking energy.
Brenda 00:18:30 You are. You are creating energy drains in your own life. And so we're talking about subtle people, pleasing of situations and people we don't even know. And I guarantee you that if you're doing that kind of people pleasing, you're also doing the bigger kinds of people pleasing, where you're doing things for other people that are not being reciprocated, and you're doing things to keep other people happy that are not being reciprocated, and you're doing things to avoid difficult conversations, and then you're not having the difficult conversations, and you're probably feeling resentment if you're anything like I used to be. So if that resonates for you, I want you to feel invited to go download a free energy audit tool. You can you can grab it and I'll put the link in the show notes. It's Brenda winkel.com/audit audit. Now I know you're busy. I know you have a lot to do. And so this tool is simple and it's quick. In less than ten minutes you'll be able to assess what is fueling your energy so that you can add more of those into your life, more of the things that are actually giving you the juice for the things that you want to do in the life that you want to live.
Brenda 00:19:43 And then you'll also come become aware of things that might be costing you energy. So this tool is your first step toward creating this spaciousness and freedom and joy and abundance and ease. In 2025. You want to go download this free energy audit tool, I promise. Now here's what I know for sure. When you stop saying yes to the things that are subtly and not so subtly draining you, you create space to have more of what fuels you. And you know, this is one of those things where it gets easier and easier and easier as you go because it builds confidence, it builds muscle memory, it starts to feel really good. And I just want to acknowledge that at the very beginning it does, or at least for me, it felt scary. And for the clients that I work with, it feels scary for them too. When they take that first step to find the space for what feels you. So whether that's your relationships, your business, your self-care, your health, every yes matters.
Brenda 00:20:54 And so we want to be really mindful and conscious about what you're saying yes to. Because if you're saying yes to things that are actually costing you bandwidth, time, health, energy, vitality, we want to flip that so that you can say yes to the things that are actually going to put energy towards what you want. So I designed this Unlock your Energy challenge and the energy audit tool to work in tandem. So if you want that invitation to come join both, grab the free download and then come to the Unlock Your Energy challenge. In fact, I'm going to invite you to do the The Energy Audit tool first because there's a little gift inside there that you might enjoy. So do that one first. If you're if you're like, which one do I do first, do the energy audit tool first. You'll see why when you get the email with your download why I wanted you to do this first and then come register for the Unlock Your Energy challenge. It's like A12 punch for your souls alignment.
Brenda 00:22:00 It's simple, it's actionable, and it's going to make a big difference. Now here's the thing about New Year's resolutions most people fail New Year's resolutions. In fact, there's, a day in the United Kingdom, in England where I can't remember what it's called, but it's January 17th, and it's the day where most resolutions fail. Resolutions don't work because you focus on doing more. You focus on like, adding more to your plate. But what if this year your resolution, let's not do resolutions? What if this year you decided to actually do less. Less over giving. Less overthinking. Less compromising your joy. Instead, focus on being more. More of who you truly are. That's the secret to a yes filled life. So this is your year. 2025 is the year that you stop people pleasing, that you reclaim your energy. You align with your soul's mission. So join me for the Unlock Your Energy Challenge starting January 6th. You can learn more about that at Brendan winkle.com/unlock energy, and then download the free Energy Audit tool and take that step towards your yes filled life.
Brenda 00:23:19 Remember that my recommendation, my really strong recommendation is to download the Energy audit tool. First go to Brandon winkel.com/audit. Let's make 2025 the year you saw and that I saw we saw it together. Well, thank you so much for listening to your old life. Thank you for being part of the journey. Whether this is your first time here or you listen to every episode, if you could please give the podcast a rating and review. It is literally one of the most helpful things you can do for the podcast. I create this content for you for free every single week, even on weeks that I'm on vacation. Like I'm in Wisconsin. As you're listening to this episode and I'm hanging out with my family, but I still have an episode here for you. And if you can leave the podcast a rating and review, it is so incredibly helpful. And it's a way that you can acknowledge all of the time, effort, energy I put into creating really meaningful, valuable content for you. Thank you so much for being here.
Brenda 00:24:26 Bye for now. Until next time.
