Brenda 00:00:01 Welcome to your yes, build life. I'm your host, Brenda Winkle, educator, healer, speaker, guide and fierce advocate for your. Yes, I help sensitive and successful men and women find, reclaim and live from their full embodied. Yes, through empowering you to understand your energetic hygiene, establish healthy boundaries, and heal your nervous system, you'll be able to create your yes filled life and move through your days with more freedom, more ease, and more joy. You'll hear inspiring stories of people who found their full bodied, yes thought leaders who pursued their own dreams and are living life on their terms, and learn new ways to find the courage, joy, ease and freedom to more fully step into your yes filled life. Saying no to the good so you can say yes to the great. Join me on this journey to discover your yes filled life. Whether you're looking to break free from the golden handcuffs, start a new business, find your dream job, or simply live with more intention and mindfulness, I've got you covered.
Brenda 00:01:15 Let's explore the possibilities together and make your dreams a reality. Ready? Let's do this. Let's get you to your yes filled life. Hello and welcome to your yes filled life. I'm your host, Brenda Winkle. Today on the podcast, you're in for a couple of treats. One is a calming practice that you can use anytime, anywhere. And it's so simple that you can teach it to everyone you know in a matter of moments, and it will make a big difference in how well you're able to release anxiety, manage stress, and feel better in a really quick way so that you can regulate your nervous system to think more clearly. It's it's a game changer. You're going to love it. We're also going to begin a complex conversation around judgment versus discernment. Now, this is something that I offer to my community, which is going to be called your yes filled life for 2025. And when we talk about judgment versus discernment, what I'm really pointing to is the importance of looking at people for who they are and for doing the things that you think are right for you.
Brenda 00:02:31 And I'll let the rest of the episode speak for itself. But I wanted to give you an update on full time travel. Last week or about two weeks ago, I made the decision that full time travel was feeling less fun. It was feeling more heavy. And I promised you in this journey began that as soon as full time travel began to feel less fun, that I was going to pivot. And so I made the decision about a week and a half ago that I was going to look for a place in both Boise and Portland, and I want to create a by city life where I can go back and forth between Boise and Portland, because there are people that I love and I want to spend time with in Boise. And I want to, you know, make a difference there. And there are people that I love in Portland. My daughter is here and I have friends here, too. And so I'm not going to choose. I'm going to live in both. But I started the process by selecting a place in the Beaverton area of Portland.
Brenda 00:03:27 It's not specifically in Beaverton, it's in a little triangle of Beaverton. Sure, we're Tigard, and here's the biggest plot twist it's in a neighborhood I've already lived in. Now, the way that this happened is nothing short of, divinely guided. Let's just put it that way. I made the decision that I wanted to find a place to rent, and I did a Zillow search, and this place came up, which, interestingly did not meet the specifications of my search. And yet something about it made me curious. So I looked at it for like two days and didn't do anything. I just kept thinking, I know I've lived there, I know it wasn't a fit. And then something just kept coming back to me and it made me think, I just need to go like honor this curiosity. So I contacted the property manager and went to look at this place. And there were three issues in the place that I owned that were they were non-starters. They were just deal breakers. Well, two of those three are completely gone in this place.
Brenda 00:04:33 And the third one, the property manager, is helping me mitigate. And so it is a perfect fit. It's everything that I wanted and it just feels so easy and so fun. It's beautiful. It's in a great neighborhood that's well lit. So Bentley and I can walk around at night and feel safe because there's not so much traffic and I'm just so excited. There's lots of diversity there, and that's important to me too. And it's just it just feels like it was such a gift. So I visited the property midweek last week. On Thursday night, I requested to see it a second time, so I went a second time just to make sure it was going to be a fit. And Thursday night I saw that signed the lease and then Friday I got the keys. Can you believe it? And my movers are going to unpack everything that's in the PDX moving warehouse on this Friday. So, you know, from beginning to end of this decision is going to be about ten days. And on Friday, November 15th, I will no longer be traveling full time.
Brenda 00:05:43 And I'm still going to keep my current Airbnb for a couple of days to ease the transition. So I have a clean place to eat and sleep, but, I'm just so excited and so grateful and wanted to share that with you. And I'll give you more details in another episode. But, just wanted to give you a quick update. And if you're in Boise and you know someone that has a property that is a small property, a studio, a one bedroom, and Adu let me know because that's what I'm looking for in that space, because I have a bigger home here in the Portland area. I'm going to share part of a conversation that we had inside my group coaching and transformation program. And this program is switching names and switching links. It's going to become your yes filled life the program in 2025. And you'll learn more about that later too. But if you hear someone saying, that's why. And if it sounds like I'm speaking to a group of people, that's why I am. So without further ado, let's get into this so that you can enjoy that calming practice and learn more about judgment versus discernment.
Brenda 00:06:48 And if you find this episode really supportive, would you please share it with a friend? Okay, let's dig in. With the recent election, there's so much divisiveness in our culture in the United States that it's really important for me to talk about the difference between judgment and discernment, so that we can connect more deeply with the people who mean the most to us. Now, one of the things that I would really like to go on record as saying is that while I voted for Kamala Harris and I make no apology for that, I know that not every listener of your yes filled life did. And I want to make sure that you know that you are still welcome here, and that as long as you have love in your heart and the intention to share love and protect other humans, That you're absolutely welcome here. We have created a system in the United States, and this is a system. I'm being very cautious to say that it's a system and not a group of people of systemic racism, systemic sexism, and to acknowledge that perhaps we're in the dirty diaper phase, the messy middle of a whole global transformation, and we're going to come into a practice that you can share with your loved ones.
Brenda 00:08:23 Because I, I realize you're not the only one in your circle that is being affected by all of this. So your partners, your children, your friends, your neighbors, your colleagues. So I want to show you something really tangible that you can use, and you can teach this to your kids, to your neighbors, to everybody, because it's it's super easy. So when we're in a constant state of stress or not even constant, but when we're stressed, one of the first things that happens is our tongue goes up against the roof of our mouth, and so that tongue up against the roof of the mouth is our body's way of trying to release some of the pressure. But then what happens is with this tension, because our tongue attaches like here, with this tension, we get jaw tension and neck tension and shoulder tension, and then it goes down the back and it can all be relieved with this one lever, which is release the tongue from the top of the mouth. So try it right now.
Brenda 00:09:36 It probably feels super weird. It probably feels like weight. My tongue doesn't have anything to do. It doesn't have anywhere to go. Where is it supposed to rest? And that if that if you're feeling that, then that's an absolute indication that your tongue has been crammed up against the roof of your mouth for a while, and there's love for that. I remember the first time a therapist suggested this to me. It's a trauma response, believe it or not, and it's very common with people who have endured any kind of trauma. For them to have this tongue pushed up against the roof of their mouth, behind their teeth. And the first time she said that, I was like, no. No, this that's not that's not me. And then she's like, seriously, try it right now. Like, lower your tongue. And I was like, oh yeah, that feels different. That feels different. And so if you're beginning to yawn or sigh as you lower the tongue from the roof of the mouth, just know that you're on the right track here.
Brenda 00:10:39 And for most of us, especially if this is a habit, it's not going to be like one time you decide not to have the tongue crammed up against the roof of your mouth. It's going to be a continual asking, where's my tongue? Where's my tongue? Where's my tongue? And so you could even set reminders on your phone if you need to, you can create a to do item on your list. Where's my tongue? Just as a reminder that you don't have to have that doing that. And then the other thing that's really supportive is when we're experiencing any kind of anxiety, when you lengthen the exhales and even hold the breath briefly at the bottom, you release anxiety and stress from the body schematically. So we know that you can actually lower your blood pressure when you lengthen your exhales. If you've ever gone to the doctor and you've been worried about having your blood pressure taken and worried about it being high, one of the tricks people use is they lengthen the exhales to lower their blood pressure.
Brenda 00:11:40 I do this all the time because I have that white coat syndrome, which means that as soon as I go into the doctor's office, my blood pressure spikes, especially the dentist. Oh my gosh, they're always like, oh, your blood pressure is high and I don't have high blood pressure. I actually have low blood pressure. But when I'm in the dentist chair, it's like it's sky high. So I'm always thinking in those situations, how can I lengthen my exhales? Because it's really supportive. And then if you were in a place where you can hold the exhale out at the bottom, not every exhale out at the bottom, but like 1 in 10 or 1 in 20, you can add on to that feeling of releasing and lowering the stress response in the body. And so that's something you could teach your friends, your family, your kids. So you lower the tongue, lengthen the exhales and then bottom holds. So were you. Hold the emptiness out at the bottom again. You're not going to hold the bottom.
Brenda 00:12:40 Hold on every breath. But like 1 in 10. Because at that point you're so oxygenated, because of the deep breathing you've been doing that it's safe for you to do. It wouldn't necessarily be safe for you to repeat the hold every breath because you're not as oxygenated. That's why most of the time when we're at the beginning of breathwork, we don't do a bottom hold at the very, very beginning. Or I choose not to. Other people do, but I choose not to. So I'm going to put this in the chat just so you can copy and paste it and remember it. It's super simple and I encourage you to share it with everybody you know, because the more people that we can have in a regulated state, the more people we're going to have making really sound decisions. And that's that's what we need. Okay. Any questions or comments before we go on. Do you think this is something you could use? Okay, good good, good. I wanted it to be super tangible and something you could use today and then again tomorrow if you need.
Brenda 00:13:46 Because no matter what the results of the election are, it's not like the conversations we've been having are going to go away. So we we have a little bit more that we need to to navigate. So my question for today and our content for today is around communication but specifically connection because communication's goal is to connect with other people. Right. That's the overarching goal. But once in a while we can sabotage our own efforts in communication and connection with judgment. And so we're going to talk today about how to navigate discernment and judgment so that you can still maintain safe connection and safe communication. So let's talk about the difference between judgment and discernment. And this is the world according to Brenda. This is not according to a dictionary definition, but this is how I view it. So when we are in a state of judgment, we're making someone right and someone else wrong. And if we're in a state of judgment and we're making something right and something wrong, or some one right and some one wrong, there's automatically a break in connection.
Brenda 00:15:21 We can't connect with someone that we're judging, and we can't connect with someone who we feel is judging us. Judgment is the barrier interconnection. And so one of the things that has been really a challenge for the last eight years, maybe even nine years, is that we're confusing judgment or discernment, and then we're making decisions around who we can and can't love and who we can and can't spend time with because of the judgment. And so then it makes us feel isolated and disconnected and sad. So how do we live into what we believe to be right? How do we honor our own values and love other people and connect with other people? And the trick is, it's not even a trick, but it feels like a trick. Some days it's discernment. So the difference between judgment and discernment is in judgment. One person or situation is right. One person and situation is wrong. So there's clear right and wrong in discernment. There's a knowing of what's right for you. There's a knowing of what's not right for you.
Brenda 00:17:00 I'm going to say that again. Discernment is a knowing what's right for you and in knowing what's not right for you. But we're not making something bad or wrong. And this is really hard when we come up against values that feel like they're life and death. When we're looking at values that feel like, how can you possibly vote against me as a woman? It feels like there's no coming back. It feels like there's no possible connection there. When somebody is voting in a way that disregards you as a woman, or disregards your right to health care, or disregards human life in general, except for procreation. And so I'm revealing where I stand on this right now. I recognize that, and I own that. But this is something I've been asking myself for the last 8 or 9 years. How can I maintain relationship with people who don't view things the same way I do? And when does it get to be a conflict of interest for me to stay in relationship with people who don't feel the same way I do? Which is really the overarching question.
Brenda 00:18:18 Right? So we have we know that the people who were spending time with are the people who are influencing us. We know that the top five people we spend time with are our heavy influencers. How can we possibly let ourselves get close to somebody who views things so differently than we do? And here's my answer. It's not the answer. It's not the right answer. It's just my answer. And hopefully it can be supportive for you. The answer is for me. We love those people. We maintain connection with those people and we limit our exposure. So that might mean that this week or this month, with election cycles so ripe, maybe we're not hanging out with people who view things vastly differently than we do. Maybe it means we need to wait until the election isn't the only thing we're talking or thinking about, and then we can come into connection with them again. The other thing that you can do is to make an agreement with them, where you call it out and you say something like, you and I view things differently and I still really value you.
Brenda 00:19:41 I'd like to make a request that we not talk about the things that we know we're not aligned on, because I really value you as a person, and I know myself well enough to know that if we go down the rabbit hole of talking about topic A, topic B, or topic C, I'm going to feel a sense of conflict. And I don't want to feel that way, and I want to maintain our relationship. Do you think we could agree that we just don't talk about it? That won't work 100% of the time. I just want to come out of the gate saying that won't work 100% of the time, but it will work way more often than you think. Because at the end of the day, every single one of us is doing what we think is right. At the end of the day, everyone is doing what they think is going to protect their families, protect their livelihood, and protect their way of life. If we can remember that, it can allow us to have different views and still love the people.
Brenda 00:20:56 And again, it comes down to that discernment. I know what's right for me. I know what feels wrong for me, but I'm not making that bad or wrong that you disagree. And it does get confusing If there are decisions to be made with that person that will bring up any of these issues where you're divided. So let's say if you're in an intimate relationship with somebody who is is viewing these things differently than you, that creates some complications that you're going to have to really dig into the communication and really talk. But that doesn't mean you can't work it out. So in spiritual circles, there's this message that comes out like, you have to be really careful who you're around. You have to be really careful whose energy you let get near you. And it creates this fear of, gosh, if I spend time with somebody who views things differently than me, all is lost. All my forward momentum, all my personal growth, all my spiritual growth is going to be lost because I'm going to be close to this person and then it's going to be sunk.
Brenda 00:22:15 And I really challenge that belief. And again, it comes down to exposure. If that's all you're exposed to all the time, is it going to impact and influence you? Yes. Without a doubt, you're being impacted and influenced anyway. So can you give yourself permission to some to love someone you disagree with? Can you give yourself permission to be friends with someone you disagree with? Because at the end of the day, these people might be your family. They might be your cousins. They might be your aunts and uncles. They might be grandparents. They might be in-laws. And if we decide that based on how somebody votes were, are they going to keep them in our life or not keep them in our life? We stand to lose relationships. And I also want to say that's an okay choice to make. If that's the choice for you, that feels the most resonant. And that's the way that you protect your peace. That's okay too. But there are other options. And there are shades of grey.
Brenda 00:23:31 So if we can give ourselves permission to truly love other people just because they're people, it's amazing what might happen when we start to listen to other perspectives. I'm not saying someone's going to change your mind or that you're going to change someone's mind. I don't know that I think that's true, but I think understanding the perspective is valuable. Now, maybe the election results have you feeling like there's no place for somebody that has the deep empathy that you have? Well, there is a place for you and it's called your yes filled life. It's a 12 month group transformation and coaching program where you can discover the power of saying yes to yourself. You can live, lead and create with balance, joy and ease while making a greater impact than ever before. Maybe right now you're successful on paper, but sometimes you don't feel that way. You feel like something is missing, but you aren't sure what. And then you feel guilty for feeling that way because things look so good. Maybe you feel like the weird one or the special one.
Brenda 00:24:45 And growing up, you often wondered why other people didn't understand or feel the things the way that you did. Maybe you feel everything which can leave you feeling drained, depleted, or overwhelmed, and you're tired of feeling burned out. Your loved ones don't always understand how deeply you feel or why certain things matter to you so much. And maybe right now you're a strong, independent and successful leader, but you're exhausted and sometimes it feels like too much. And perhaps you either turn to people pleasing simply for relief, or find yourself self-isolating so you don't have to feel it all. And maybe you love and care so deeply about people that setting boundaries feels really hard. You can feel other people's emotions so acutely that sometimes you decide not to set the boundary before you even start. Maybe you want to offer extremely valuable experiences, and sometimes you mistake being of service with over giving. Perhaps you struggle to discern other people's opinions and views from your own, and you want more access to your intuition so you can make aligned decisions more easily.
Brenda 00:25:56 Perhaps you want to be successful, but you have a tendency to take on too much and you feel pulled in a million directions. You sometimes feel overwhelmed and resentful of the people you love the most and the business or the career that you've built. And maybe you sometimes sacrifice your time and energy for others and then feel resentful when it's not reciprocated. Keeping promises that you've made to yourself feels difficult, and you find yourself prioritizing tasks for other people over what you need to do for you. And that affects your work, your health, and your relationships. Perhaps you sometimes confuse external validation for worthiness, and you're someone who's done the inner work. You've gone to therapy, you've invested in yourself, and now you want to actually move the needle and get to the transformation. And you want a mentor who has big enough energy to hold you. You've struggled to find therapists, coaches, and advisors because within a few short months you end up holding space for them. Or they tell you that you've gone as far as you can with them.
Brenda 00:27:04 If this sounds like you, Imagine a world where you can feel in control of your emotions. You can avoid reactive behavior and increase your productivity with calm, collected energy. Imagine healing those deep seated wounds and showing up as the most authentic, empowered version of yourself in every area of your life. Imagine gaining the courage to make the changes you want to make in your life a new job, a new business, writing the book, starting the podcast, finding a new house, improving your relationship. Or maybe it's going on the date. Making the money you really want to make. Imagine saying goodbye to burnout by confidently protecting your energy and thriving in your leadership or business role. Imagine maintaining your emotional sensitivity while freeing yourself from the emotional overwhelm that used to feel so heavy. Imagine achieving more with less effort and creating a life where work and personal fulfillment live in harmony. Imagine feeling empowered to share your message with the world authentically. Where knowing your worth and trusting your voice feels like home. Imagine a world where you can make confident, aligned decisions with ease, trusting both your intellect and your intuition to guide you.
Brenda 00:28:26 Decision fatigue is a thing of the past. Imagine a world where you can lead with confidence and compassion without losing yourself or your mission in the process. And imagine a world where you can communicate with ease and integrity, knowing that your messaging reflects your true purpose and effortlessly attracts the right opportunities and clients. Imagine a world where you can find your community and join a sisterhood with women like you. Women who lift each other up and believe a rising tide lifts all boats you can live, lead and create with balance, joy and ease while making a greater impact than ever before, all while prioritizing yourself. Welcome to your yes filled life. Discover the power of saying yes to yourself. Your yes filled life is a yearlong experience from January to December 2025, where we'll work together to help you take on less from other people, improve your well-being, manage stress effectively, elevate your creativity, and optimize your life and work. Your yes filled life is for you if you are an action taker. If you're ready to show up for yourself, you're ready to feel empowered and you already feel empowered.
Brenda 00:29:47 If you're ready to invest in yourself and you've done significant inner work and you're looking for your next level, if you believe change is possible, your yes filled life is for you. If you prioritize freedom, growth, expansion, and self-expression. It's for you. And if you desire to become part of a community and connect with the sisterhood of other like minded, empathic, sensitive, beautiful leaders, your yes filled life is for you. To learn more and apply, go to Brenda Winkle. Com forward slash your yes filled life. All lowercase. All one word. You're bringing up a really good point. And since 2016, since that election, there's been one side that is listening and one side that is not listening. Right. And I have to believe that when we listen and we model what it's like to listen, we are changing the world. We are changing the landscape just by being willing to listen, even if they don't reciprocate it. And if they don't reciprocate it, then that's an opportunity for us to each make a decision around how much longer can I be in a non reciprocal relationship of any kind.
Brenda 00:31:05 And that's okay to do as well. It's okay to say this is actually costing me more than than it should. It's not feeling good for me anymore. It's not feeling aligned. That's okay. That gets to be here. That's part of your discernment as well. So I remember it was in 20 like 2015, 2016. There was a friend of mine that I had had for decades, decades long friendship, and it became obvious that we were on completely different, different voting camps. And I remember like, it caused cognitive dissonance for me because I was like, how did I not know this is what you thought? And it created a rupture in the relationship because I was shocked that I didn't know what she thought and what she believed, and she felt the same way. She was like, how do you not know this is who I am? And for her it was deeply like a value thing, like, how do you not know this is who I am? And the friendship ruptured. And it was October of this year, eight years later, that we reconnected.
Brenda 00:32:32 And we didn't talk about politics at all. We didn't talk about politics at all. Which is to say that sometimes in our attempt to make sure that we're aligning with people who align with us, we miss out on potentially really good relationships. Now, when we talk about values, the people who we are closest to typically have similar values. So like if you boil down your top ten values, the people who are closest to are probably going to have 5 or 6 of those same values. Probably like your closest friends, your intimate partner will probably have almost line item. Most of them I would say probably 70%. That's by the way, not research backed. That's just me talking. I think it's probably around 70% based on what I witnessed. But somehow we've gotten the idea that they have to align 100% or we can't be with them. We can't. We can't be friends with them. We can't spend time with them because they're not 100% aligned. And what happens in that is that is a judgment.
Brenda 00:33:51 That's not discernment. That's a judgment, because the chances of you finding someone who you're going to align with 100% are slim, because we all value different things. I remember one time I was at this Mary Kay event in Boise when I was a Mary Kay sales director, and we were we had set it up in like a Holiday Inn with those big round tables that seat like 8 or 12 people. And we had these John Maxwell leadership value cards. And so everybody got a deck of cards, and the cards were all the same in each deck, and they were values. And they didn't really they didn't really give examples of what they meant, but it was like a description. So let's say physical fitness was one of the cards. Let's say, financial responsibility was one of the cards. And there were like it was a card deck. I don't remember how many were there, but it was a lot. And at the time I had my team sitting around the table with me just because that's the way they sat people.
Brenda 00:34:52 And so I naively thought that everyone's cards were going to come out the same as mine. I don't know why I thought that. I mean, I was a grown woman, I was educated, I'd been in the world a long time. And I still remember, like this feeling of shock, like disbelief couldn't wrap my brain around it. Cognitive dissonance. Disbelief when I realized that every single woman around that table had different values. We had like 2 to 3 of the same values in our top ten, but the rest were all different. I was mind blown. And at first when this was first happening, and there's this woman sitting next to me, and she was a real estate agent and a Mary Kay beauty consultant, and she kept having physical fitness as one of her values, one of her value cards that kept coming up and I was like, when is she going to put that away? When is she going to get something else? And then I realized, like as this event rolled on, I'm like, oh, that is one of her top values.
Brenda 00:36:09 That's why. Oh, that's why she's so careful about what she eats. Oh that's why she's always making time to run. Oh my gosh. It was like this big lightbulb moment where I finally understood what it meant to live into your values. Because your values inform your actions and your behaviors and your beliefs. If I would have expected everyone to have all that sent $0.10, whoops. All the same ten value cards on the table, which I did expect if that would have happened. Think about how boring it would be, like a bunch of automatons. But the fact that we had like, service, that was one of the shared values everyone believed in serving a greater purpose than themselves. another shared value was kindness. So service and kindness. And I can't remember what the third one. It might have been gratitude. Like being grateful for what you have. Other than that, the other seven values for everybody at the table were completely different. It shook me. I had no idea that people could have different values, because I remember my mom saying when I was little, oh, they have different values, but it was a bad thing.
Brenda 00:37:33 Oh, they have different values. As if to say, oh, well, they're making that mistake because they value this. If they knew the right way, they w what we value. That was the underlying message. She never said that overtly, but that's how I interpreted it. So I've carried forward that event that was like in 2006. I've, I replayed that event 100 times in my mind, thinking about if I would have judged any of those people at that table by those values, I wouldn't have been friends with them and they wouldn't have been on my team. And then I'm having a similar experience where I'm involved in this group of women entrepreneurs. And I went in naively. Again, this is like how many years later thinking that we're all going to have aligned values. And I don't know even why I thought that doesn't make sense, that I would think that after everything I've learned and everything I've done. But somehow I just went in thinking, oh, I found more people who think like I do.
Brenda 00:38:39 That's why we get along so well. That's why this feels so supportive. They must be like me. And again, I'm going to reveal where I stand on some things with what I'm going to say next. So I have become friends with this woman who lives in Canada. She lives in British Columbia, and we're very good friends. We co-work together usually like once a week or once every other week. And, we know a lot about each other's businesses. And then one time she said that if she could live anywhere in the United States, it would be Texas. And I was like, oh, what makes you want to live in Texas? And she said, the big trucks and all the guns. And I was like, what? Tell me more about this. Like, okay, seriously, are you joking right now? She's like, no, I love guys who drive big trucks and have guns in the truck. And I'm like, oh my gosh, I said, I don't have guns and I won't have guns.
Brenda 00:39:46 And I don't want to be around people who have guns with them. And she laughed at me and she's like, she's like, that's so Californian. And.
Brenda 00:40:00 And I laughed at her. And I was like.
Brenda 00:40:02 Well, you know, I live in Oregon and there's definitely guns in Oregon. But, all this is to say, if we would have laid out all of our political beliefs before becoming friends, we wouldn't be friends. But we became friends first, and then we realized, yeah, she's going to always want the guns and the big trucks, and I'm going to want the Priuses and the Teslas and the no guns, and we can still be friends. And so I invite you to think about the people who you've felt divided from or separated from. And think about the things that you do have in common with them. Think about the things you can connect on, because there's there's things you can connect on. Now, my friend who co-workers. We're not we're not ever going to agree on guns or no guns or big trucks or Teslas.
Brenda 00:41:00 We're not going to agree, but that's okay. We know that about each other and then we just laugh. So maybe maybe you can do that with some of the people that are in your life where you're just like, yep, I know that's how you think about that. And it's okay, because if it was something different, like, let's say, if it was a way of being my friend Megan, she will not remember a date unless I put it in writing. It has to be in writing. I she's she says, you know me, I'm a visual person. Can you put it in writing? So I'll put the writing in a text and I'll say the date or the time or the name of the book or whatever it is we're talking about, because that's just how she operates. She needs to see it. She's visual. We don't judge it. That's just how she is. I don't make it bad if we can take away this seriously of some of the things I mean, yes, they're serious issues.
Brenda 00:42:05 I mean, if you get me in a non neutral state of mind, I'll tell you all about the issues. But the thing is, we're all humans and that's what connects us. And maybe we can find some redeeming qualities in most people. And maybe it's okay if we can't find redeeming qualities in everybody, but maybe we can still love them. Because love is absolutely the strongest force in the universe. Love is what's going to ultimately change the situation that we're currently in. And so by continuing to offer love, even from a distance, if we need that distance to maintain our own safety offering that love, that's that's where things are going to change. So I have something for you that I developed called the reach out method. It's not pretty yet. It will be pretty. I'm creating a Canva document for it. But right now it's not pretty and it's called the reach out method. And if you're ever feeling disconnected or lonely, I invite you to try this method. Now, this is not supposed to be linear.
Brenda 00:43:20 This is not due one. And then the next, and then the next. No, that's not it. What is designed to do is to appeal to whatever part of you is activated and you do that, the item that looks the easiest. And then if you're still feeling disconnected, do another item that looks the easiest and then keep doing items until you don't feel disconnected. I invite you to try this this week. If you have a moment where you feel like I'm the only one who or you're feeling just a little bit lonely, or.
Brenda 00:43:59 You're like, nobody sees things the way I do.
Brenda 00:44:01 In your friend group invitation to do something on this list. You'll be amazed at how it helps. Now, these are different kinds of things. Some of them are meant to get you out of your head and into your body. Some of them are meant to get you out of the house and around people, and some of them are meant to actually have you reach out for connection. So there's different kinds of types of things, and then hopefully you can find something that makes you feel better.
