Speaker 1 00:00:01 Welcome to your yes, build life. I'm your host, Brenda Winkle, educator, healer, speaker, guide and fierce advocate for your. Yes, I help sensitive and successful men and women find, reclaim and live from their full embodied. Yes, through empowering you to understand your energetic hygiene, establish healthy boundaries, and heal your nervous system, you'll be able to create your yes filled life and move through your days with more freedom, more ease, and more joy. You'll hear inspiring stories of people who found their full bodied, yes thought leaders who pursued their own dreams and are living life on their terms, and learn new ways to find the courage, joy, ease and freedom to more fully step into your yes filled life. Saying no to the good so you can say yes to the great. Join me on this journey to discover your yes filled life. Whether you're looking to break free from the golden handcuffs, start a new business, find your dream job, or simply live with more intention and mindfulness, I've got you covered.
Speaker 1 00:01:15 Let's explore the possibilities together and make your dreams a reality. Ready? Let's do this. Let's get you to your yes filled life. Hello and welcome to your yes filled life. I'm your host, Brenda Winkle. Today on the podcast, we're going to continue our deep dive into the power framework for empathic entrepreneurs. And we'll be looking at the evaluate pillar of the power framework. The P was for presence. Oh for optimize, W for wisdom. And those three episodes are the most recent three episodes on your yes, filled life. And so if you haven't yet listened to those invitation to go back and tune in. Before we dive into the E pillar of the power framework, I have a question for you. Do you ever feel overwhelmed by the demands on your time and energy, especially as an empath? And do you ever find yourself saying yes to everyone else but neglecting your own needs and desires? Well, I have some exciting news for you. I'm hosting a free masterclass on October 29th at 9 a.m. Pacific.
Speaker 1 00:02:29 That's all about unlocking the power of boundaries. This masterclass is designed specifically for the empathic entrepreneur, the high performing woman like you, who wants to reclaim her time, energy and focus. In this masterclass called boundaries for empaths, you're going to discover how setting healthy boundaries can help you build emotional resistance so you can handle life's challenges with greater control and feeling stable. How you can create more independence and interdependence, giving you ownership over your decisions and your actions. And you'll discover how you can actually boost your self-worth by reinforcing that your needs matter just as much as anyone else's. As you get better and better at setting boundaries. You're going to learn how to improve the balance of your work life. Blend by saying no to overworking, overcommitting over giving, and yes to more time and ease for yourself. You'll learn to make clearer decisions that align with your values without second guessing yourself. Whether we're talking about your business or your personal life, and you'll reduce stress and anxiety by managing your time and commitments and energy more effectively.
Speaker 1 00:03:50 Whether you're looking to strengthen your relationships, feel more empowered, or simply find more calm in your life. This masterclass is for you. So if you're ready to take back your time, your energy, your bandwidth, your peace, your freedom and your abundance and create boundaries that truly serve you, join me on October 29th at 9 a.m. Pacific. It's completely free, and I promise that you're going to walk away feeling more empowered and aligned with your mission. Register at Brendan winkle.com/boundaries and I'll also put that link in the show notes. There is a limited time replay available, so if you can't be there live you can catch the replay. Now. Over the last three weeks, we've been unpacking the power framework for empathic entrepreneurs. And like I mentioned, we've talked about the P for presence, the O for optimize, and the W for wisdom. Now this week we're talking about the E pillar for evaluate. Now, on the surface it might seem like this is actually the simplest of pillars, but it's actually the most difficult because it requires us to get real about what's happening in our lives and our relationships.
Speaker 1 00:04:59 And because of your empathic nature, it's sometimes easier to believe other people's projections about you than it is to get honest with yourself. Ask me how I know. So as we dig into this pillar, let's talk about what it means. This E for evaluate pillar is going to allow you to diagnose energy issues. It'll help you learn to discern and address any energetic problems in your space, your relationships, your finances, your health in your personal life, and then how to make adjustments. So the first part of this pillar is around noticing energy leaks. Now, I don't know if you've heard the term energy leak before, but imagine, I mean, it's October 2024 at the time of this recording. And, you know, as we approach winter in the northwest, a lot of times this means that we are being intentional about energy leaks in our homes. This is a great time to make sure that the seals on your doors and windows are operating properly. It's a great time to make sure that there's insulation behind your outlets, and it's a good time to take a look at the insulation in your home.
Speaker 1 00:06:16 It's the time when many of us remove the hoses from the exterior water spigots, and we winterize the water spigots. And all of this is in part because we're trying to prevent energy leaks, right? We don't want the cold from our homes to escape into or, excuse me, the cold from the we don't want the cold from outside to come inside, and for the heat in our homes to escape through the different cracks and crevices in our homes were preventing energy leaks. And this evaluate pillar is a way that you can do this for yourself, for your life, for your business, for your relationships. You're going to prevent energy leaks. Now, before we can really talk about what that's going to look like, let's talk about what a symptom of an energy leak might present itself as. Here are some of the the symptoms that you have an energy leak. So if you have these things it might be that you're leaking energy somewhere. Overwhelm, fatigue, having repeated illnesses where you're catch literally everything going around and you're just sick on top of sick on top of sick, maybe cold after cold after cold.
Speaker 1 00:07:36 You have trouble focusing. You're prone to distractions. You're noticing financial problems. You have feelings of resentment. Your relationships are filled with conflict, not the kind of conflict where things get ironed out, but the kind of conflict that causes drama. You might have trouble keeping what you have, whether that's relationships or money or opportunities. You might have difficulty making decisions. You might notice out of character, behavior, things that you wouldn't normally do, you find yourself doing. And then you wonder what's what's going on. Another symptom of energy leaks might be that you are being reactive rather than responsive. You react to things. You might struggle with time management. You might notice that you have this small whisper that you don't want to do something, but you find yourself agreeing to do it anyway. People pleasing is a sign of an energy leak. And by the way, people pleasing is an actual energy leak. But we'll talk about that in a minute. If you notice that you're sacrificing yourself or what you want, that is a sign of an energy leak.
Speaker 1 00:08:48 It's also an energy leak itself. If you have passive aggressive behavior, that can be a sign of an energy leak. When you blame other people, that's an energy leak. And in general, not taking responsibility for things in your life. So we don't want there to be any judgment or any bad feeling around these energy leaks. We're not going to make them mean something. What we're going to do instead is talk about ways that you can prevent and plug these energy leaks so that you can function in the way that you really want to function. So the first thing that we want to do when we think that there might be an energy leak, is we want to ask, is this mine or is this yours? Is it something else? Are you subconsciously mirroring somebody that's also called subconscious empathy. So when I say is it mine I'm talking about physical sensations, emotional feelings, mental states of being, behaviors, and even preferences. It's really important to ask this, especially if you have a high level of empathy, because when we're talking about subconscious empathy or mirroring, if you've never heard this term, if you've never really dug in and gotten curious around if this is at play in your life, it can be very surprising to know that the things that you thought were yours are, in fact, not yours.
Speaker 1 00:10:19 Let me give you an example. When I got divorced in 2008, that's when the divorce. Divorce was final. I found myself one random Sunday afternoon, standing at my kitchen counter over a crock pot that was filled with roast beef, carrots, and potatoes. And at this point, I'd been divorced Worst for probably going on about a year. And this is important because every Sunday I made a roast beef with carrots and potatoes and put it in the crock pot. And before I had gotten a crock pot sometime in the, you know, probably the 90s, I would cook it in the oven in one of those club pans. Maybe you don't remember those, but they were like a big not cast iron, but they were a big metal pan, and it was something that I had done every week for the entire time that I was married. I was married for 14 years, got married in 1993, got divorced in 2008, and every week over that entire span of time, I'd made this roast beef.
Speaker 1 00:11:31 So one random Sunday afternoon in 2008, I was coming home from the Boise River, where my daughter and I had walked along the greenbelt, which is what we did every Sunday. And this is really important because at that time, I was just coming into my own healing journey, and I was trying to remember the things that I really loved to do. And I had this little fishbowl up on the counter, and in the fishbowl were little slips of paper that I had cut out, and my daughter and I had written things on this little slips of paper that would remind us things that we really liked to do for fun, because things were so hard in our life for so long that we'd kind of forgotten how to have fun. And so we put all the things that we like to do on the slips of paper. And then every Sunday we would draw from the fishbowl one of the things. And then if we liked that thing, if we felt excited about it, we would go do that thing.
Speaker 1 00:12:28 And very often that meant we were down in the Boise River walking the greenbelt. And this particular afternoon was no exception. So we came home from the Boise Greenbelt and I stepped up to the counter and was just peering down into the glass lid of the crock pot. And you know how when the crock pot is hot, it's not steamy anymore and it looks condensed, but it's still kind of clear. And so I could see down into the crock pot, I could see the carrots and the potatoes, and I could see the roast and the juices forming around it. And I, for some reason, had this moment of curiosity where I started to wonder what I liked about this particular meal. And so I looked at the carrots and I asked myself, do I like these? And the answer was yes. I love carrots. Carrots in any form. I love raw, cooked roasted crock pot. It didn't matter, I love carrots. And then I asked myself, do I like the potatoes? And the answer was yes, I love potatoes.
Speaker 1 00:13:36 I especially love it when they're in the crock pot and they get that kind of crispy edge from touching on the side of the crock pot. And I like potatoes pretty much in any form. So that was another. Yes. And that felt really aligned and good. And then I asked myself about the onions and I was like, well, you know, I don't dislike them. I'm kind of indifferent. I like the flavor that they add to the whole crock pot, but I don't necessarily know that I want to eat an onion. And then I got to the roast beef and I asked myself, do I like this roast beef? And the answer was no, I do not like this roast beef. Now, I probably told the story before in the podcast. I know for sure that I've told it in my groups, but I was stunned. Literally stunned. So surprised by my own answer about the roast beef that I asked myself the question again, and I was like, do I like roast beef? And the answer again was, no, I don't.
Speaker 1 00:14:33 And I was so taken aback by that answer that it made me curious around what else am I putting on my regular menu for each week that I don't actually like? And one of the things that I do actually like. And the truth was, at that time, in 2008, I actually didn't know. I didn't know what it was that I liked and what I didn't like. And so I went on this little self-exploration journey, and I listed out every flavor that I could think of lemon, lime, chocolate, vanilla, black, blackberry, banana, all the things. And I would just circle the ones that I liked. And then I was stunned to realize there was actually more that I didn't like. Then I was giving myself permission to actually not like I was just eating things because, well, at that time I didn't know why. It took me years to figure out the reason why I had made roast beef for all those years. The reason why is my former husband loved the roast beef and the potatoes and the carrots.
Speaker 1 00:15:38 He loved it. He loved it so much that I confused his love of the roast beef with my own. I told myself that I loved the roast beef, but that wasn't actually true. I didn't like the roast beef, but my subconscious empathy, my mirroring made me think that I liked the roast beef because I was picking up on how much he liked the roast beef. Now we do this to ourselves in a hundred different ways on a thousand different topics. It could be colors. It could be fabrics, furniture, room setups, cars that you drive, vacations, the way you decorate your home like your actual decor taste. Whether you like Bohemian or classic or French Revival, it can be influence in your clothing choices. That's why sometimes when you go shopping with somebody, you come home with something that aligns to their taste, but not yours. But you're confused. Why? Because in the store you looked and felt great. When you looked in the mirror. It was because you're tracking their subconscious empathy.
Speaker 1 00:16:45 Or excuse me, I said that backward. It's because you are absorbing their like of the thing subconsciously in your subconscious empathy or mirroring. It's a thing. And if you're an empath or you have a high level of compassion, it's really important for you to recognize that this is a thing without making it bad or wrong. It's one of your gifts. It's one of your superpowers. But you need to create the discernment to give yourself permission to ask, is this mine? Is it truly mine? One of the things that I discovered when I made the list of things is that I love lemon. I love lemon like, if there's an option of anything in the world and something lemon, I'm going to choose the lemon over literally everything else, including chocolate, which was shocking to me because I had told myself that I loved the chocolate the most. But that's not actually true. I love the lemon the most. I like chocolate, but I don't love chocolate the same way that I love lemon. So if this hits for you at all, I have a feel better fast guide for empathic entrepreneurs.
Speaker 1 00:17:53 And now the purpose isn't necessarily to teach you what you like and what you don't like, although that's a byproduct. It's actually to create a list of things that make you feel better fast because you know your business is tied intimately to your energy. So if you're feeling badly, scarcity, lack, fear, sad, mad, tired it's impacting your ability to show up in your business. So I created this guide to help you feel better fast, and in part because I developed the fishbowl thing on my kitchen counter all those years ago. This is the same concept that I put into this guide where I give you some ideas of categories, but I'm letting you customize the guide with things that you really like. So invitation to go check it out. It's at Brandon winkle.com forward slash. Feel better fast. That's all lowercase all one word. And you can not only make sure that you have the tools in place to help you feel better fast, but you can also get real around some of your own preferences as you get ready to dive into the concept of subconscious empathy.
Speaker 1 00:18:59 So when I ask you to ask yourself, is this mine? I want you to have that question. Be incredibly broad, incredibly broad, where it could be a physical sensation, like an ache, a pain, a cramp. Ask yourself, is this mine? You'll be surprised if you're an empath, how often that answer is no, it's not mine. But the same is also true with emotionality and References and just about everything else. So this evaluate pillar of the power framework is essential because if something is not yours, but you're making decisions based on it, you end up with misaligned decisions, which is one of the things that gets in the way for empathic entrepreneurs. If we're making decisions based on what someone else thinks is best for our business and not what we truly know is best for our business, we can end up feeling very frustrated, very burnt out, and like nothing in our business is working. When the truth is we're doing what someone else thinks is best for our business and not tapping into our own intuition.
Speaker 1 00:20:07 So that's the other benefit of this. This particular pillar of the power framework is that it helps you connect with your intuition. Which leads us to the next question that I invite you to ask yourself, is this best for me right now? Sometimes you'll be influenced by somebody with again, that subconscious mirroring that we're not making bad, but you'll be influenced to do something because it worked for somebody else, or maybe somebody else benefited from it. And so they will tell you that and without any intention of talking you into something. But sometimes you can get talked into something just because somebody is excited about it. And so it's really important before you make any decisions that you ask yourself, is this best for me right now? And give yourself time and space to actually ask the question and then get the answer. And then that leads us to the third question that I would invite you to ask yourself. So the first was, is this mine? The second is is this best for me right now? And now here's the third.
Speaker 1 00:21:12 Is this what I want? Is this what I want? And this one is actually harder to answer than you might think, because that subconscious empathy can be so strong, especially if it's somebody that you're in close relationship with that you might need actual physical space from that person in order to get a true answer. So those three questions I want you to ask yourself are is this mine? Number two, is this best for me? Number three is this what I want? And then here's the cool part. There's always a knowing, even if it's subtle. Now here's how you can tap into that. Knowing into that intuition to make it a little bit more obvious. You're going to need to create a little spaciousness, both in terms of time and space, especially with your high level of empathy and compassion. Now, this might look like taking a walk by yourself, so you gave yourself some time to reflect. It could be that you get up 30 minutes early a couple of mornings to ask yourself these things, to evaluate what's happening in your life before anybody else wakes up.
Speaker 1 00:22:23 Maybe you pour your coffee and you go curl up in a blanket with your journal and you get real with yourself that way. Or maybe it looks like you need to ask for support so that you can get some time alone. If you have a lot of obligations with the family and with your job, you might need to ask for some help just to give yourself 30 minutes or an hour. Be creative in how you create this, but I do implore you to take some time to connect with yourself so that you can assess and really evaluate the things in your life. Now, here's the thing about intuition. Intuition needs some spaciousness and time. If you're running from thing to thing to thing to thing, you're always busy. You're always in motion. It can be disconnected. In other words, it can be really hard to access your intuition if you're constantly in motion because you're not getting the subtle cues, the subtle knowingness, and sometimes it even comes through as body sensations for some people, and if you're constantly in motion and you're busy, then it can be very difficult for you to actually discern what is coming through from intuition.
Speaker 1 00:23:36 And so this is another reason why it's really a good idea to take some space, both in terms of physical space and in terms of time. And then as you're getting ready to evaluate, I would encourage you to evaluate each area of your life and ask yourself these three questions. And I'll review the questions for you here in each area of your life. The three questions are number one is this mind? Number two is this best for me right now? Number three is this what I want. And then you're going to overlay those three questions to every area of your life. And I like to think about this in terms of like a wheel of life. I use this with my coaching clients, where we evaluate how things are going in each area of your life because it's nice to think about creating a nice round wheel. And when I say a nice round wheel, if you think about putting a dots on the outside of a wheel where you like, the closer to the outside circle something is, the better that area in your life is going.
Speaker 1 00:24:39 The closer to the inside of the circle, the worse your life is going. And what you want when you look at that wheel of life is to create a balanced, as close as possible, a balanced wheel. It's never going to be perfectly, perfectly balanced, but we don't want there to be like all the way out to the edge for one area of your life and then all the way into the center in another area of your life. What we want to create is a little bit more balanced, so it's not quite so spiky. So here are the areas of your life that I would invite you to consider. Spirituality, money and finances. Career and growth, health and fitness. Fun and recreation. Family and friends. Personal development partner and love. Let me go through those areas again. Spirituality, money and finance. Career and growth, health and fitness. Fun and recreation, family and friends. Personal development and your partner and love. Invitation to journal and reflect on each of those areas and ask yourself those three questions.
Speaker 1 00:25:42 And once that complete, and I really need to implore you to not skip this step, once that's complete, I'd like you to ask yourself the question, is there any area that's being affected by an energy leak or subconscious empathy and the way that you can ask yourself this question? Well, there's three ways that I teach. There's more than three ways. Let's be clear. There's a lot more than three. But there's three ways that I teach. One is through muscle testing, the others through journaling and stream of consciousness. And the third way is stream of consciousness speaking, where you might record yourself on a voice memo. And if you diagnose your if you diagnose any issues related to energy leaks or subconscious empathy, then you know what you want to focus on. So those three ways again would be muscle testing. Journaling with stream of consciousness or stream of consciousness. Speaking and recording yourself. I've talked about muscle testing on the podcast before, but just as a recap, muscle testing is where you can get the answer that your true highest self believes to be true or false by using the body as a dowsing rod.
Speaker 1 00:26:57 So when we think about muscle testing, it's like the ultimate truth telling mechanism. You can trick it. You can come up with false positives and negatives if you're not really careful. So there's some steps I want you to take in muscle testing. You always want to test for yes or no Before you actually start to ask the questions. Because if you're dehydrated or if you're if you're noticing you're really fatigued or you haven't eaten or you're just not feeling yourself, you can come up with false positives and negatives. So we want to we want to create that baseline testing for yes. Testing for no. My favorite way to do that is to say my name is and then say what your real name is. So in my case I would say my name is Brenda. And then you would say something that you know is false, and it's fun to choose somebody else in your family and say your name is that person. So my daughter's name is Maya, so I might muscle test for my name is Maya. And then that should be a no.
Speaker 1 00:27:58 You're yes is going to gently tip forward and your no is going to gently tip backward. So you're going to put your feet, comfortable with the part usually close to hip width apart. You don't want your feet right next to each other, and then your arms are going to be at your side. That's very important. Your arms are loose at your side. And then here's the most important thing you're going to close your eyes. This is so essential because if you don't close your eyes, it's very possible for you to override the muscle testing. And you can create false positives and false negatives based on what you want, not on what you actually think is best. And so closing your eyes is very, very essential. So for that muscle testing, you'll stand with your feet comfortable with the part arms at your side. Eye is closed. Then test for yes test for no. And then you can just test for is this mine or is this the best thing for me now. And you can overlap those three questions with your muscle testing to make sure that you're actually seeing things as your higher self, as your inner self is actually seeing things.
Speaker 1 00:29:07 And when you diagnose any of these issues related to energy leaks or subconscious empathy, then you know what you need to focus on. And that's the beauty of this pillar of the power framework for empathic entrepreneurs is that now you know where to put your energy and your focus. And here's the beautiful thing. You're probably asking, well, what do I do if I find I have energy leaks? I'm so glad you asked. You know what the answer is in most cases. In most cases, it comes back to setting healthy boundaries. Now there's some other pieces and parts to this, because if your nervous system is dysregulated, if you don't feel safe to set boundaries, then we would want to go back and make sure that we address any underlying beliefs or child parts, or protector parts, or even traumas to make sure that we can create some safety in your body so that you can set boundaries. But if that is all taken care of, then it would be a great opportunity for you to set some boundaries.
Speaker 1 00:30:14 And guess what? I have the free masterclass for you on October 29th at 9 a.m. Pacific. All about unlocking the power of boundaries, including how to set one. How to know when you need one, and boundary frameworks where I can give you some templates on ways that you can actually set boundaries that create that safe connection with the people that you're setting a boundary with. Now, the beautiful thing about this class is it's approaching boundaries as a way to create safe connection. It's not about pushing people away. It's not about teaching people how to treat you. I mean, although that's part of setting a boundary. But the real beauty of an appropriate, healthy boundary is it allows there to be a safe connection. And as an empath, this is so important for you because you crave that connection with people. Right? And if you perceive a boundary as something that's going to cause a disconnection, you won't set it. And so we want to really change the paradigm around boundary setting so that it is all about fostering connection, fostering closeness, fostering safety inside your relationships.
Speaker 1 00:31:31 Whether we're talking about a personal relationship, a romantic relationship, a team member relationship, a work relationship, or a relationship with a client, we want to create boundaries, to create safety. And the more you have appropriate boundaries set, the more you'll realize that you're not having to deal with energy leaks. And then the other beautiful thing is, once that happens, you start to be really aware when you accidentally do have an energy leak. And let me tell you, that's part of this process. I don't know anybody who doesn't come back and evaluate themselves for energy leaks from time to time, especially if they're an empath. It's not a one and done thing. And I would I would run from anybody who told you that they could just like check this box and then be done. I have not found that to be true in my life. I've not found that to be true of any of the mentors that I've worked with. And I've worked with some really powerful, knowledgeable, gifted people on boundaries, one of whom was Terry Cole, who wrote the book Boundary Boss.
Speaker 1 00:32:37 I, I worked with Terry in two of her courses and met her in person at a at a mastermind retreat event in November of 2022. And so when I say that the boundary work changed my life, I'm telling you, it really, really, really did change my life. In fact, that's what gave me the courage to do the life that I'm living now. Because if I wouldn't have set boundaries around my time, energy and bandwidth, I wouldn't be full time in my business. I would still be in a classroom teaching music. And not that that would be a bad thing, but I really wanted to run this business, and I couldn't do that without setting different kinds of boundaries around my time, energy and bandwidth and really evaluating any place that I had energy leaks or that I was picking up subconscious empathy or mirroring someone else. So I'm an open book. If you've got questions about this episode, please reach out to me at Brenda Winkle on Instagram. Email me Brenda at Brenda winkle.com and let me know what your questions are.
Speaker 1 00:33:39 And I'd love to know if you're trying any of the strategies that I'm sharing inside this power framework and what your success looks like, and if you're still finding challenges that are popping up, I'd love to know what those challenges are so that I can create some content for you to help you mitigate and solve any of those challenges. Next week we have the R of the power framework, and that's going to wrap up our Power Framework series where the empathic entrepreneur, but you still have time to register for this free masterclass. It's October 29th. It is boundaries for empaths creating a life of ease and flow, and I can't wait to see you there. You'll register at Brendan winkle.com/boundaries, boundaries and I'll put that link in the show notes. If you haven't left the podcast or rating or review in a while, and you find this episode helpful or supportive, could you please go leave your five star rating or review wherever you're listening to this podcast? And I think you can only leave a review on Apple, and so I'd really appreciate it if you're an Apple listener, if you'd leave a rating and a review.
Speaker 1 00:34:47 But anywhere you're listening, if you can leave that rating, it is so helpful to get the podcast into the ears of more people. And my mission is to empower more empaths who owned businesses to stay in business. Because, let's face it, there are not a lot of empaths in the entrepreneur world because being an entrepreneur requires a special skill set, and sometimes our empathic nature makes that feel like a really heavy lift. My job is to make that a light lift by giving you the tools and skills so that you can create the impact that you really want to create with your business. Because I know you have something really special to share with the world, whether that's a book or a course or a podcast, or you have an offer that you want to offer, healing sessions or sound baths to people. I know that this is on your heart for a reason, and I want to help you get there by giving you the skills and the tools that you need to make your empathy and compassion feel like the true superpower that it is.
Speaker 1 00:35:49 Thank you so much for listening to your useful life. Bye for now. Until next time.
