Brenda 00:00:01 Welcome to your yes, build life. I'm your host, Brenda Winkle, educator, healer, speaker, guide and fierce advocate for your. Yes, I help sensitive and successful men and women find, reclaim and live from their full embodied. Yes, through empowering you to understand your energetic hygiene, establish healthy boundaries, and heal your nervous system, you'll be able to create your yes filled life and move through your days with more freedom, more ease, and more joy. You'll hear inspiring stories of people who found their full bodied, yes thought leaders who pursued their own dreams and are living life on their terms, and learn new ways to find the courage, joy, ease and freedom to more fully step into your yes filled life. Saying no to the good so you can say yes to the great. Join me on this journey to discover your yes filled life. Whether you're looking to break free from the golden handcuffs, start a new business, find your dream job, or simply live with more intention and mindfulness, I've got you covered.
Brenda 00:01:15 Let's explore the possibilities together and make your dreams a reality. Ready? Let's do this. Let's get you to your yes filled life. Hello and welcome to your yes filled life. I'm your host, Brenda Winkle. Today on the podcast, we are continuing our deep dive into the power framework developed for empathic entrepreneurs. Over the last couple of weeks, we've done the P for presence and the O for optimize. Today we're diving into the W for wisdom. So if you haven't listened to those previous episodes, invitation to go back and have a listen. But you can certainly continue listening to this episode and you'll be just fine. But I do recommend you go back and listen to the P and the O so that you have more of the pieces. So before we dive in, I want to talk to you about deep empathy and compassion. I am an empath. I have always felt deeply. I felt other people's emotions inside my own body. So if someone around me was angry, I felt angry. If someone around me was sad, I felt sad.
Brenda 00:02:23 And that's been something that has been true for me my whole life, as long as I could remember. And I could feel and sense and read a room. And to know who was the most dysregulated nervous system in the in the room, who needed the most support. And I would make it my job to go make that person feel better, because when they felt better, I felt safe. So if you are an empath, this might be relatable to you because we know that empaths come in two tracks and you could have a little bit of each track. One kind of empath is developed from Genetics. We know that there's a genetic component to having the genetic trait of empathy in really high, high volume like an empath does. But there's also a track of empaths that are born because they come from a house where there's a lot of chaos or conflict or even abuse. And in those cases, the people become empaths because it's survival for them to understand the state of affairs. So if you come from a home where there was chaos or conflict or abuse, you needed to read the room to understand if it was safe for you, and if it wasn't safe, you needed to read the room to understand what you might be able to do to create a sense of safety.
Brenda 00:03:44 So depending on which empath track you're in, and it's very common to have both, depending on what track you're on, you might be prone to feeling a little bit anxious when you tap into empathy, or you might even turn your empathy into people pleasing. And that's very, very common. So if you've ever felt like, gosh, I can't seem to stop people pleasing, it might not be a behavior as much as it is a response to your deep empathy and compassion. And when you learn to apply the power framework for empathic entrepreneurs, you'll find that you can find the tools and the strength to do a lot less of that. So I want to tell you a story. And this story is kind of the the, the jumping off place for the wisdom pillar of the power framework. I was 16 or 17. I was in my hometown of Chadron, Nebraska, working in a restaurant called Helen's. Now, Helen's was kind of like a diner. It was a local legend. Everyone knew what Helen's was.
Brenda 00:04:45 It was a subsidiary of another restaurant called the Chuck wagon. Not making that up. and at Helen's we serve breakfast, lunch and dinner, like pancakes and eggs and omelets. And then we had lunches like, sandwiches and different things. And then for dinners, we had things like chicken fried steak and, mashed potatoes and hamburgers and things like that, just to give you kind of a flavor of the place. Well, one night when I was 16 or 17, the mother of one of my schoolmates came in to eat. She came in by herself, and she was visibly distressed. She had, you know, tears in her eyes. She was writing on a piece of paper and she was, just upset. And so I went over to talk to her to find out what was happening and just to offer her support, because I wasn't really close friends with her son, but I knew him from some different groups that I was in part of in high school. And while I went over there, the next thing I know, she unloaded all of her worries about her son.
Brenda 00:05:49 And if you are an empath, it's probably very common for people to tell you their whole life story and to tell you even borderline inappropriate details where maybe they haven't earned your trust, but they're still sharing with you. And that's very common for empaths. And we can talk about how you can plug up that energy drain in a little bit, but that is actually an energy drain. When people do that to you without permission and you haven't set a container for them to share with you, and they're oversharing. But this this happened to me often, so I didn't think anything of it at this time in my life. And as she was oversharing the first time that I was ever consciously aware of being energetically merged with somebody happened. And what happened was, as she began to share, she was looking for feedback and concealment for me, which was also interesting because I was a 16 or 17 year old and she was a fully grown adult woman. And this has happened to you as an empath. This is this is something that happens.
Brenda 00:06:59 It's possible this has happened to you as an empath. To where there was somebody who may have parented you or put you in a position that you were trying to console them, and it wasn't your job or responsibility or even totally appropriate for you to do so. And again, as we go on in this podcast, we'll talk about some ways that you can create some healthy tools to deal with this. But what happened next shocked me. I began to respond to her in ways that she really wanted me to respond, and I began to say things that I didn't agree with or believe in in an attempt to make her feel better. And it was the first time I had ever been consciously aware of doing that. I'm certain that I had done that before, but this was the first time that it was consciously aware, oh my gosh, I have things coming out of my mouth right now that I don't believe in. And so I had several things happening in my mind. One was deep curiosity, like how do I know what to say to make her feel better? The second thing was I was very uncomfortable because I recognized I wasn't being truthful.
Brenda 00:08:14 I wasn't agreeing or believing anything that was coming out of my mouth. And yet it continued to come. And so then the third thing that happened was I was watching her to notice what her response was, and I saw her calm down. She began to smile, and I went home that night thinking to myself, what happened? And how can I make sure that this never happens again? Because I was so deeply uncomfortable about having said all the things I didn't agree with or believe in. And if this has ever happened to you, this is something that can happen to empaths. Now, this is just one example where I was actually saying verbalizing the things that she wanted to hear. But when we energetically merge as empaths with other people, it can manifest in different ways. It could be that you're impacted or influenced to make decisions that the other person wants you to make. This happens a lot in friendships and romantic partnerships, where you make a decision and you feel like the decision is really good at the time when the other person is around you, and then when the other person is gone, you start to question your decision and you wonder, what was I thinking? The other way that this can happen is as a business owner, you can feel your team or your clients wanting a particular thing, and in the moment it feels like it makes total sense and you agree to it.
Brenda 00:09:43 And then when you get on your own later, you think, wait a minute, that's not what I wanted to do at all. So as an empathic entrepreneur, it's essential for you to maintain and perhaps establish your energetic sovereignty so that that doesn't happen. So the wisdom pillar of the power framework is all about recognizing what's yours and what's not. So as we talk about this energetic merge that can happen, I want to give you another word that you could use. That word is in measurement. Sometimes that's used by therapists or psychologists. This is a little bit different than the merge. So in the merge I want you to picture a Venn diagram. A Venn diagram is usually made up of at least two circles. So let's pretend you're circle number one and someone else's circle number two. In a healthy relationship, those two circles might slightly overlap, where a little bit of each circle is is in the other circle, but they're not completely overlapped. There's still definitely two circles with a little bit of overlap in the middle.
Brenda 00:10:50 Okay, in a merge, what happens is one circles almost completely on top of the other. But here's the kicker if you're an empath, you're not merging with them and they're equally merging with you. Nope, that's not what's happening. What's happening is you're merging, and you're leaving behind a part of yourself because you are merging with them. They're not merging with you, which is why it can feel so isolating and lonely when emerge has happened. And then you come back to yourself and you come back to your sovereignty, and you wonder why you made those decisions. It's because you have the ability, as an empath to do the energetic merge, and the other person may not, or at least isn't merging at that time. So when you have an energetic merge, some of the problems that can arise are misaligned decisions, energy drains, exhaustion and depletion. And one of the ways that manifests for many entrepreneurs is that you end up putting other people's projects and priorities in front of your own, leading to a sense of frustration and feeling like you aren't managing your time properly.
Brenda 00:12:03 It can lead to resentments, and then ultimately, it can lead to burnout. So it's really essential for you to understand this wisdom piece. Now, one thing I want you to understand even before we begin, is because of your empathic abilities. This is not a box you're going to check. This isn't a one time thing that you're going to do. This is going to be part of a practice that you're going to develop where you're always asking yourself, is this mine or is this not? And you will get faster and faster and more efficient and better at it as you go, because that's how these things work. The more you do it, the better it gets. And I told you this story from when I was 16 or 17, because I also want to illustrate the point that I've been doing this for a very long time. And so if you're just now growing in an awareness that, oh my gosh, I think I have these empathic abilities and I think this is how they're affecting me.
Brenda 00:12:58 I want you to know that you can give yourself time and space and grace to learn the tools that I'm offering. Okay. And the tools that I'm offering really do work. They work for my clients, they work for me. And I'm so excited to share with you. So I want to tell you one thing. Before we go too much further, I'm hosting a free masterclass on October 29th called Easy and Aligned Boundaries for Empathic Entrepreneurs. And in this free masterclass, I'm going to be telling you all about how to. You can set permission for people to either come into your field a little bit, not into your field, but come close to your field, or how you can create more spaciousness so that you can have that sense of sovereignty. I'll talk to you about how you can set energetic boundaries so that the the spoken boundaries come so much more easily and quickly, and how you can do things that align with your values and your priorities so that you can have your life and your business just feel more full of ease and joy and freedom.
Brenda 00:14:06 So to register for that free masterclass, go to Brandon winkel.com/boundaries. And yes, there is a replay. And again, that's October 29th at 9 a.m. Pacific 2024 and register at Brandon winkle.com/boundaries. So the reason I'm telling you this is in this podcast episode, I'm going to give you a lot of tips and tricks on ways that you can create energetic sovereignty and develop the wisdom to know when something's yours and when something is not. But if you really want to go the extra mile, I invite you to come to that masterclass because that's going to give you a chance to ask me questions in real time, and you'll even get to do some practicing with other participants that are in that masterclass. So you'll get to practice this sovereignty in a really safe area. So let's dive in. One of the areas that is a real challenge for every empathic entrepreneur that I have worked with is around time. So as an empath, you can feel and sense how other people are feeling and sensing. And when someone comes to you with something that's very important to them, perhaps even feeling urgent, it's really easy to make their project your emergency.
Brenda 00:15:17 Sometimes that might be necessary, but I would say 99% of the time that's probably not true. And that also includes your kids. Now, one exception to what I'm going to talk about today is the minor child who needs to be fed and clothed and taken to school and help to bed. We do need to help our minor children, and also you can set appropriate energetic boundaries with them. You don't have to be at their beck and call responding to them the moment that they ask. and I have a lot of opinions on why you should not do that as an educator, but we're not going to go down that road today. However, if you have questions, please DM me at Instagram and I would be happy to engage your questions around that. So what we want to do is we want to create two things. We want to create clarity around the things that you value and your priorities, so that when someone comes to you with another task or another project, you know whether or not it aligns with the things that you've set out for yourself in that day.
Brenda 00:16:25 And then number two, we want to create a sense of energetic boundary between you and them so that you can maintain your sovereignty, which gives you the wisdom to know, is this my emergency or is this your emergency? Let me give you an example. If you're walking down a New York City street with several lanes of traffic and you're walking on one side and someone else is walking on the other side. Does it make any sense for you to yell across all the lanes of traffic? Hey, hey, watch out for that pothole over there. No, it does not make any sense. Number one, they're not going to hear you. Number two, they're going to think you're crazy. And number three, if you're so worried about them stepping in a pothole, the likelihood of you stepping in a pothole actually increases. Another way to look at this might be to think about going into an airport. You go to the airport, you haven't dropped anything off yet. You haven't checked your bags. You've got your suitcase and your backpack and maybe your purse.
Brenda 00:17:28 And then another grown person comes up to you and says, hey, can you roll my suitcase and carry my backpack and carry my purse? Because I just really want to go to get a cup of coffee. And if you do that, then you're carrying double the baggage. They're not carrying any. And how easy is it going to be for you to move across the airport. It's going to be exceptionally difficult and very slow, and you're probably going to be dropping things all along the way. The same thing is happening every time you put someone else's task or priority or project above your own. You're dropping things, you're making mistakes. And guess what? That resentment that you feel when you notice that you prioritize someone else's stuff above your own, is also being felt by them. Even if they're not an empath, they can feel it. And so sometimes it's really easy for us to think that we're doing people a favor by responding to their sense of urgency and not telling them either. I can't do it now, but I can do it later, or this isn't a line for me.
Brenda 00:18:32 We think we're doing them a favor by not saying that. But the truth is, energy is everything. And people can feel your resentment, your frustration if you agree to do things you don't want to do and you're not actually helping. So I work with so many empathic entrepreneurs who say to me, I have this idea that I want to bring to the business, but I can't find time to work at it because my kids need me at this time. Or my, my team wants to go this direction, but I know that's not aligned. And what we need to do is create that sense of sovereignty so that you have complete clarity around what you need to do for your business. At the end of the day, it's your business and you know what's right for your business above anyone else, because your business is uniquely connected to you and your energy. So even if you do bring in an expert or an advisor on a particular topic, you still know what's best. And a lot of times if you are not energetically bounded, you can take on their suggestions and then feel frustrated that they're not working for your unique business.
Brenda 00:19:46 Your business has an energy of its own. It's its own entity at this point, and because it's connected to you, if you don't honor that and you end up putting someone else's priorities over what's inside of your business, it can create some real energetic kinks in your business. And I'm sure that you've been to places where you've said to yourself things like, oh, well, they're under new ownership. It just feels different. The same thing happens when you take advice from an advisor that isn't aligned with you and your business, even if they're really well meaning well trained, well educated, brilliant advisors. If it's not energetically aligned for your business, it's just not energetically aligned. And so it's really important from a business standpoint that you create this energetic sovereignty and these energetic boundaries. From a personal standpoint, it's even more important if you have kids still at home and you're not setting boundaries around your sleep, around your rest, around your work time, around your nutrition. What's happening and are genetically is you're over giving your depleting yourself.
Brenda 00:20:59 And then what often happens, even though you don't mean to, is you have a volcanic explosion at the end of a night after a long day, and then you end up rolling back something that you said or offering an apology. And while there is a case to be made that there's beauty in that repair that happens. Wouldn't it be nicer on you especially and on your kids, if we could have you feel more resourced? So the volcanic eruption didn't happen in the first place? Wouldn't that be cool? And that comes with setting those energetic boundaries. So one of the first things I'd like you to do in order to set this boundary is I would like you to pull your energy back from all the places that you have it. And to do that, I'd like you to extend your arms out and in a scooping motion, bring them in towards your heart and lay them both on your heart. And I'd like you to do that three times with the intention of just calling back all of your lost energy.
Brenda 00:21:58 Okay, so I'd like you to do that with me. Let's do it one time and two times. And now three times, we've called back our energy. Now, I'd like you to place one hand on your heart and one hand on your belly and take a deep breath in through the nose and out through the mouth. Here we go. Two more.
Brenda 00:22:28 Last one.
Brenda 00:22:35 You'll notice your energy feels different running through your body. You'll notice that there is a buffer between you and the task you were doing between you and the people around you. And it's not a buffer as in distance, it's in a buffer as in, oh my gosh, I can see clearly. So that's step one. And I'm going to teach you so much more at that free masterclass. Easy and align boundaries for empathic entrepreneurs. I'm going to teach you the permission Rose concept by Jeffrey Allen of how someone can get closer or further away just by you setting the energetic permission, we're going to talk about setting energetic boundaries and how you can more easily protect your time, energy, and bandwidth simply through your energy.
Brenda 00:23:21 And I'll teach you exactly how to do it on this masterclass. And I'm going to teach you how you can set boundaries around your time in ways that will really move the needle to eliminate any sense of resentment or frustration, so that you can feel more ease and freedom and joy in your business and in your life. My ultimate goal for you is that you can feel lit up and inspired and joyful in your business and your life. You know, I've heard people talk about balance, and I feel like balance might be a little bit misleading. I think there can be a blend where sometimes your focus might be more on family, and sometimes it might be more on business. But if you have created systems and you know your values and you know your priorities and you are setting appropriate energetic boundaries, the ease that you're going to experience in your business and your life is profound. And because your business is its own energetic entity, the more boundaries that you set around your energy and your time and your bandwidth, the better your business is going to do because you're plugging the energy leaks.
Brenda 00:24:39 So an energy leak is anything that's robbing you of bandwidth. And what that feels like is brain fog. Lack of creativity. Can't get an idea. Fear, anxiety and scarcity. So if you've felt any of those things, it's very likely that you have some kind of an energy leak. Energy leaks also manifest as fatigue. Really, really crushing fatigue where you feel like you have to go home and crawl into bed at 7 p.m., where you feel like you have nothing left to spend time with the family at the end of the night. And those can be solved by setting those energetic boundaries. So you're not only going to notice an increase in the way that your business is running and functioning and generating revenue, but you're also going to notice an impact difference. Your clients are going to start to really respond to you in a different way. And the transformations that you're able to call for your clients are going to be ten ext at least, and you're going to feel so much more balanced and grounded in your life and so much more capacity and confidence.
Brenda 00:25:45 And best of all, you're going to be more present for your loved ones, because you're going to have more to give at the end of the night to those that you love and want to spend time with the most. So I hope I see you in there in that free masterclass, and there is a ten day replay that you get for free. So go register at Brendan winkle.com/boundaries. Now I would love to know what questions come up for you around this. Love to know if this power framework is supporting you so far. If you're applying some of these things and trying them out and noticing a change. So the big thing I want you to know, for the wisdom pillar, which we talked about today, is I want you to develop an awareness of is this mine or is this not mine? And you can do that just by paying attention to how you feel in the moment. If you have real clarity around this is what I should do, this is what I want to do. It might be yours.
Brenda 00:26:39 Make sure you're pulling your energy back to yourself at least once a day. It should be like brushing your teeth where you're pulling back your energy to you at least once a day, maybe twice a day might be even better. And you're going to notice a profound difference in your mental clarity, in your decision making, and in how much energy you have at the end of the night, when you start calling your energy back at the end of the day, especially if you're working with clients. So I have something really exciting that's coming. I'm launching the Empathic Entrepreneur Academy in January. It's going to be a beautiful container where you're going to learn all about being an empath. You'll learn all the tools to be an empathic entrepreneur. So there'll be a business focus. But it is not. But it's not business coaching. It is an energetic focus on the business. And I'm so excited because we're going to have practice circles where you get to practice your energetic sovereignty inside the container. It's absolutely amazing. I can't wait.
Brenda 00:27:46 If you're interested and you want to get on the waitlist, email me Brenda Brenda Winkle. Com or send me a DM over on Instagram at. Brenda Winkle this empathic entrepreneur academy comes in January 2025 and I'll tell you more as the details are available. Thank you so much for listening to your useful life. If you haven't left the podcast or rating your review, would you please go do so now? And if you love this episode, would you please go share it with a friend? Be sure that you get registered for the Boundary Masterclass at Brenda winkle.com/boundaries and that you're taking really good care of yourself. And if you want a free guide to take even better care of yourself, go to Brenda winkle.com/feel better fast to download the Feel Better Fast PDF guide. Thank you so much for listening. Bye for now. Until next time.
