Brenda (00:00:00) - Hello and welcome to your yes filled life. I'm your host, Brenda Winkle. Today I'm celebrating that the trademark for your yes filled life came back last week. It's official. Your yes filled life is now a registered trademark. Oh my gosh, it feels surreal. I'm so excited. So today on the podcast I'm going to be sharing some stories for you as I have now embarked on my second week of full time travel, getting ready to start my third week. And I also had just have some fun things to talk about. We're going to be talking mostly about why feeling good is so important, so let's just change the lens for a moment. I love to change the context of things in order to help things land a little bit better for you. So. If we look at. Grades in school. If you received, or if your child received consistent 30% or 40% on their work, how would you handle that? Well, there's a pretty good possibility that you would reach out for additional support.
Brenda (00:01:18) - You might hire a tutor. You might go to the school and ask if there's something that you can do, or something that you aren't understanding, or that the child isn't understanding. You would not ignore a 30 or 40% average. Let's change the context again. Let's take it into the business world, and let's say that on your key progress indicators, the KPIs that you learned, that something that you were doing was having a 30 to 40% success rate when you had hoped it to be more like 90%, and your conversions were only 30 to 40%, would you continue to do the same thing? Of course not. You would figure out what the problem was. You would dig into the data. You would figure out where you needed to change how things were working or how things were processing. You would ask questions. You would get feedback from the people that you're serving. You would absolutely hire a mentor and figure out why you were only having a 30 to 40% conversion, right? Okay, so with both of those contexts in mind, the school context and the business context, and I'm sure that you can think of others.
Brenda (00:02:40) - I want to tell you something that I'm hearing inside my live challenge. Yes. To me. I ask a question and I also ask this question inside. Every time I host breathwork, which is usually once to twice a week, every week, sometimes more, I always ask, how are you feeling on a scale of 1 to 10? One being like a bag of balls, ten being feeling like a million bucks and. It's shocking to me how many people come in time after time, and I don't mean that they're working with me time after time. I mean new people coming in and their number is 3 or 4. It's it's shocking to me. And I'm meeting person after person after person who comes in. And their baseline of how they're feeling is a three or a four. That's a 30 or a 40% of feeling great. Now that's too low. Like, let me just say it. That is too low. If this were a grade in school, we would be doing everything we could to raise that grade.
Brenda (00:03:57) - If this were a key, a KPI, we would be doing all kinds of things to dig in under the hood, to figure out why the thing wasn't converting at a higher rate. But you are ignoring the fact that you are feeling a 3 or 4. You're feeling a 30 or 40%. Now, in contrast, the people that I'm working with inside second chapter, their answers are consistently at least a seven. They're seven, eight, nine, and they come in every time to these same breathwork sessions that the new people are coming to. And their answers are a seven and eight, a nine. And my base answer is usually a nine. And then it can come up to a ten with breathwork. If I get down to an eight, I am running interventions. I take it really seriously. I am not willing to tolerate feeling bad. And this podcast episode is hopefully going to convince you that you should not accept or tolerate feeling bad either. So that's the premise. That's where we're going.
Brenda (00:05:05) - And I'm going to actually give you tons and tons and tons of ideas and support about how you can make sure that you feel good more of the time, because if your baseline is a 3 or 4, I'm just going to say it. That's not good enough. You deserve more. You deserve to feel better. Now. We're going to we're going to talk about a few different things. The first one that we're really going to dig into is like attracts like. Now here's what that means. If. I have a magnet. That magnet is going to attract steel shavings or other kinds of metal that can be magnetized. Yeah, there are certain kinds of metal that can not be magnetized and they are repelled. Are you following along with me so far? So if if you are feeling a 3 or 4 and that's your resting resting place, is your a 3 or 4? You are repelling the people who are coming in at higher numbers. It's like turning the magnet the wrong way. You are repelling the people, the clients, the students, the customers, the family members, the friends.
Brenda (00:06:29) - You are repelling them. With your 3 or 4. Now I don't. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad. I am going to give you solutions. But I do want you to understand that if you're trying to make changes in your life and your resting place is a three or a four, we want to get that number up much higher so that your baseline is at least a six or a seven. Because if it's lower than that, you're not attracting the things that you're trying to attract. You can't because the energy does not match. So you probably know unless you're brand new here. And if you're new, welcome. Glad you're here. If you've been listening for a while, you know that I was a music educator for 26 years now. What you may not know is that if you are tuning a guitar or another stringed instrument, when you hit the actual in tune vibration, let's just say that you are tuning up a C string. The other C strings in the room that are tuned to the same frequency will also vibrate.
Brenda (00:07:39) - Now, I had a wall of ukuleles in one of my classrooms in Boise, and when I say a wall of ukuleles, I mean. I think we had 26 ukuleles. And so I would often I mean often daily I would start the day and I would go to the ukuleles. And it was so fun to to get them dialed in to being in tune, because when I would pluck the strings, the other strings that were in tune would actually vibrate. And you could, you could hear a very soft note. Like attracts like. So another way to demonstrate this, besides the ukuleles and and the tuning of the strings, is that people feel the energetic birthplace of where you're creating. So have you ever gotten a text or an email from someone? And even though the words seemed fine, you felt the energy behind it and you knew they were upset or sad or mad. You're feeling the energetic birthplace that that communication came from. And the same is true for you. People are feeling the energetic birthplace of where you're coming from.
Brenda (00:08:58) - Now, if your baseline is a three or a four, then anybody who is at a higher vibrational frequency, they're feeling better in their body. They are not going to want what you're offering because it would require them to feel worse. Can you see what I'm saying here? Which is why we want to get your baseline up higher so that you can attract the people who's. Feeling state whose baseline is higher because they're feeling that energetic birthplace. So a couple of things that you can do to make sure this this can happen would be like to go dance it out. Now I love dancing and so this is always my go to. So I just put on some music that I love. I have a Hi Vibes playlist on Apple Music. In fact, I'll put that in the show notes so that you can access my High Vibes playlist if you choose. And I just put it on shuffle, and I assume that whatever song I'm supposed to hear will will play, and then I just let it play and I dance it out.
Brenda (00:10:04) - Sometimes if I'm on a walk, I'll put it on and I'll walk to it and I'll walk to the beat. But I absolutely will not tolerate feeling bad about anything, whether it's emotional or physical. So. That's one thing that you can do. I've got more ideas here that I'm going to share with you throughout this episode, but you can get yourself energized, juiced up, feeling better, whether it's breathwork or dancing it out or, getting a somatic coaching session and then create that thing. Now your energy is going to attract people who are at that better feeling state. This is the same phenomenon that's at play when you are trying to apply for jobs, and you're telling yourself you can't get any job applications through to the interview stage. Well, if you're at a really low baseline, that's why it's because they're being repelled by the energetic birthplace of the application. So tending to this is critically important. It cannot be ignored. It can't be ignored. And I know that I haven't talked a lot about this on the podcast, but we talk about this inside second chapter, which is my group healing and coaching program all the time.
Brenda (00:11:20) - And one of the phrases that I use is keeping your energy squeaky clean. When you have squeaky clean energy, it means that it your energy is running in your body in a way that feels expansive and energized and lit up and and just feeling really, really good. That's how we magnetize things to ourselves. If we don't tend to this and we don't keep our energy squeaky clean, all kinds of stuff can start to to happen. Can you be successful without squeaky clean energy? Sure. People do it all the time. All the time. You could make a case that that a lot of our politicians are doing it all the time. But is it really effective and is it what you want to be? And if feeling good were a choice for you, wouldn't you choose that? I would, I would absolutely feel I would absolutely choose that. So I have something I created especially for you. It's called the Feel Better Fast PDF guide. Now, not only does it have suggestions on it, but it has a way that you can customize this guide for you.
Brenda (00:12:29) - Because what the things that I like may not be the things that you like. And so this PDF guide has big categories of things that might help you feel better. And then it gives you some suggestions, some ideas, but you really can dial it in for you. So some examples would be. Having a beautiful kind of lotion right at your desk. So let's say you've been running around. You get ready to go work at your desk, and you just take a minute and you pull out the lotion. You feel it on your skin. You smell the fragrance. Oh my gosh. My favorite is Loxton. I love Loxton products. and their almond series. Oh my gosh it's my favorite right now. I'm literally holding it in my hand right now. I have their lavender hand cream, their mini lavender hand cream, and that's the one that sits in a little cup right by my computer. And in fact, I'll put it on right now. this is a great way to feel better fast.
Brenda (00:13:36) - So you just have the sensory input of the lotion. Maybe you can hear me rubbing it into my hands. And then you also have the sensory input of the fragrance of the lotion. So choose something that feels good and smells good to you. Like taking the time. That smells so good. Taking the time and the effort to actually prioritize feeling good is amazing. And I'll talk more about the science of this as as we're talking. As we go, but being intentional around doing things that make you feel good is like the magic bullet that you've been looking for. That's going to supercharge everything. It's going to supercharge your business. If you have a business, it's going to supercharge your career. If you have a career, it's going to help mitigate the workplace conflict you may be dealing with. It's going to help relieve the pressure in your relationships. It's going to add money to your bank account and abundance to your life. I mean, feeling good is it is the baseline for everything else that's coming.
Brenda (00:14:46) - So the energetic birthplace, I cannot say enough about that is so, so, so important. Now one of the things that comes up for people. Around feeling good are two of the big five. Okay, the big five are things that can get in our way. Things that can sabotage our success. Okay. Guilt, shame, blame, disappointment and grief are the big five that can really sabotage. So. One of the two of the things, two of the Big five come up for people around feeling good guilt and shame. Now, whenever we're dealing with the Big Five, we know that we are not being as successful as we could be because the energetic frequency, the energetic vibration of these emotions is very, very low. That's not to say you're bad or wrong for feeling them. They are human emotions and you can choose to feel better. Yes, even with grief, you can choose to feel better. And we'll talk more about this as as we're going. So stay stay with me here.
Brenda (00:16:04) - So I am experiencing grief in a couple of ways. There are some family changes that are happening in our family that really do cause a tremendous amount of grief for the entire family. There's a duality here, right? I can experience the grief that I feel over the changes in my family and feel good in the present moment, and that's the key. So I just put on this beautiful hand cream from Luxton, and I'm smelling the beautiful lavender fragrance, which was one of my favourites, and it just feels so good. It reminds me that I'm feeling good. It reminds me that it feels really nice in my like when I rub it into my skin and then it smells so good and I smell so good, so I'm allowing myself to feel good even though there's some grief there. So feeling good is not unilateral. And I think this is a really important thing to get. Because if we think that we must feel the grief or the disappointment or the shame or the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, any of the big five, we think we must feel those emotions only as a way to be loyal to something.
Brenda (00:17:18) - Oh my gosh, we are getting it twisted. It's so important to allow yourself to feel completely all the way through your emotions. We are not into spiritual bypassing here at your life. We do want to feel all the emotions and. And we want to create ways that we that you can feel better. Okay. So when I say guilt, a lot of times there's a guilt over feeling good. If someone around you is not or this might this might be true for you. there's a guilt around feeling good if someone around you has chosen not to feel good. Does that one ring a bell? Oh my gosh. That comes up for a lot of people. Let's say for example. You have a loved one at home that's sick, whether it's chronically sick or just acutely sick with something. How many times have you disallowed yourself any pleasure, or any feeling good out of some kind of loyalty to that person? Now, let me tell you the reason I'm saying this is because I've done it. I know what this is like, and I also know how absolutely destructive it is.
Brenda (00:18:38) - You can't make yourself sick enough to make the sick person feel better. So stop trying. You can't make the person sick, or you can't be sick enough to make the sick person feel better. So stop trying. And I know I said that twice because it's important you have to get this. When you discount your own feeling good and you push it away because you feel guilty about feeling good, you are choosing your own pain. You are choosing a lower vibration. You are choosing to feel bad. And I'm going to invite you into choosing something else. So the guilt around feeling good, that comes from a couple different places. It can come from a chaotic home in childhood, where you may have been shamed if you felt good. Like, I'll give you an example. one of the things that came up in my family of origin was, if I had something nice, whether it was a nice piece of clothing or a nice piece of furniture, one of the things I heard from my mom was I had to wait until I was so and so age before that, like, how dare you have this now? I had to wait until I was whatever.
Brenda (00:20:01) - And that really used to make me feel guilty about having something nice. Which is kind of weird because if you know, my mom and I love my mom, so I'm not throwing any shade at her at all. She has nice things and she's always had like beautiful home and beautiful furniture. And so it's really interesting to feel that sense of like, you should feel guilty about having nice things coming from her, but that comes from her family of origin, right? Because in her family, I don't know if in her family of origin, I don't know if my grandparents ever bought a piece of new furniture. And I know for for absolute certainty that they didn't ever buy new clothes. Not in my whole lifetime. They never bought new clothes. So we're breaking out of also a scarcity mold. And this comes up for people. If you were raised in a family or a family line where there was a lot of scarcity or worry about lack, then feeling good might be really challenging for you. The other way that that feeling good can be challenging for people is if you have any trauma or history of abuse, it can be really scary to feel good because oftentimes in that abusive cycle, when you were feeling good was when the bad things started to happen.
Brenda (00:21:30) - And so if you have trauma around that, this is a really good opportunity to begin to look deeply at how you can heal that. And I'm obviously a fan of breathwork and somatic coaching, because it really releases it from the body so that you can get to the other side of that fear, that feeling good is going to cause the bad thing. So those are the two of the barriers that I see coming up around guilt. But there's also the shame. So. Sometimes and especially again, this comes from the messages that we received as kids for most of the time, which is why we talk about inner child healing so much inside. Second chapter my group healing and coaching program. When we talk about inner child, a lot of times there's kind of this idea that there's one inner child like, I'm going to talk to this inner child. There's just one inner Brenda. Well, that's not true. There's like a hole. As my mentor Reina says, there's a whole preschool down there. There's a whole preschool down there.
Brenda (00:22:32) - So I have an inner 13 year old. I have an inner two year old. An inner three year old. I have all of these inner children that have come about because of an unmet need. Now, let's be really clear. We're not blaming anybody. We're not blaming my parents. We're not blaming your parents. We're not blaming anybody for having unmet childhood needs. And unmet childhood need can come from something really simple. Like, I had a bid for attention, or maybe you had a bid for attention, and then your mom was busy cooking dinner and she said, I need five more minutes. And to your little three year old heart that may have felt like rejection. And then that can create an unmet need in the three year old self. And that three year old self gets stuck there in time, frozen in time. So every time someone's busy for you, you can end up feeling that same sense of rejection, which means that your inner three year old is running the show a lot of the time.
Brenda (00:23:34) - So when we're talking about inner child healing, that's one of the things, one of the best ways that we can really, really start to release that shame and that guilt. Because when we heal the unmet needs of the inner children that we each have inside of us, then that blame, shame, guilt, disappointment and and even grief begin to heal their alchemy into something else. So inner child healing is so, so, so important. And, you know, the best thing that I think, and of course, I'm biased. I'll just admit it. I'm biased about breathwork and somatic coaching. The reason that I love them so much is because you can have an awareness around the healing that needs to happen, but you don't have to relive it. And unless you're dealing with a trauma informed therapist, reliving it can actually retraumatize you. Now, I do have some really, really great trauma informed therapists. If you're ever looking for a recommendation. There's some beautiful people that I am piers. With that I do recommend, and I am a person who's pro therapy, and I really believe in somatic coaching and breathwork for healing trauma.
Brenda (00:24:54) - So that kind of clears up that. Now about the the guilt and the shame. I could say more, but I'm not going to because I'm going to move on to the next thing, which is, have you ever noticed that there's a correlation between your ability to be creative and feeling good? Yeah, that's because when you're feeling good, you are in the flow. And when you're in flow, that's when the creative downloads can hit. So. Feeling good is a way to supercharge your creativity. And again, I've created this guide for you. It's called the Feel Better Fast Guide. I'm going to put the link to it in the show notes. Or you can go to Brenda winkel.com forward slash. Feel better fast. That's all lowercase all one word. And that guide is a way for you to customize so that you can feel good. You can find ways unique to you that feel good, like flavors that you like, things that are fun, things that make you smile, things that make you feel good, songs that you love.
Brenda (00:26:05) - All the things because we want you to be in that creative flow. Why? Well, because you are uniquely you and we need your gifts in this, in this world, in this time and this planet. We need your gifts now more than ever. I guarantee you that you are a light worker or a light leader. If you're attracted to this podcast and we need you. And one of the ways that you can really be of service is by tapping into the creative flow to bring forward your gifts. And the key to that creativity is feeling good. That's why when you feel like a bag of balls, you can't think of what to do. Which is why I really want you to go grab this free guide. Because that's the thing. When you feel like a bag of balls, you literally cannot remember what you can do to make yourself feel better. In fact, I've told this story before, but I think it's important to tell again. When I was a brand new single mom, I'd been a single mom like 6 or 8 months.
Brenda (00:27:09) - I had the recognition that I wanted to have more fun and that things were really serious in my house with my my daughter, who was like five, maybe six at the time, and I knew we needed to have more fun, but I literally couldn't remember what we liked, especially if I was in a moment of feeling stressed or scared or sad. I couldn't remember what we liked. So one Sunday afternoon. We pulled out some printer paper, you know, just eight and a half by 11 paper. And we brainstormed all the things that we could think of that felt fun. Sidewalk chalk. Going to the river. Blowing bubbles. Taking the dogs for a walk. Jumping on the trampoline. We wrote down everything we could think of, and then we cut them into little strips of paper and dropped them into a round vase that we call the Rose Bowl. In my family, because you could put one beautiful rose in the bowl and then you could see it. But anyway, we put those pieces of paper in the Rose Bowl and then.
Brenda (00:28:12) - When we had free time or we needed a lift, we would draw from the Rose Bowl and then we would do the thing on the piece of paper. Now, as time went on, we eventually came to a point where if we drew something and we wanted something different, we'd say, oh well, we got bubbles. But I really wanted to go to the river today. What do you think? And then we would start to choose our own things. So we built the muscle. We built the muscle around feeling good. We built the muscle around, remembering what we liked. And I want to give you total permission to do the same thing. If you're if you haven't done this before, it's going to feel really foreign. And so the more scaffolding you can give to yourself, the better. Because when you're starting this journey and you're making sure that you're feeling good more of the time, it's so easy to forget the things that make you feel good again. Because when you're feeling badly, you don't have access to that creativity.
Brenda (00:29:14) - So this is really, really important thing to do. And that's why I created this guide for you. So the other thing that we talked about a little bit was magnetism. I'm sipping my tea. It's Yogi tea. It's raspberry. Energy or something. And it's delicious. It's delicious. I have this butterfly mug in the house that I'm staying in. I've been in Long Beach, Washington, on the Long Beach Peninsula for the last two weeks, and I'm here for another week and a half, and I'm drinking a mug that I found today with a blue butterfly on it saying, imagine the possibilities, which, if you know, blue butterflies are my sign and I absolutely love it. So I'm gonna take another sip here. Oh so good invitation to take a sip of your beverage of choice. And let's talk about magnetism. Have you ever noticed that there are some people who, when they walk into a room, every head turns? Or how in a meeting that feels kind of loud with everybody talking over them, over each other, that there's one person's voice who everyone just seems to quiet around.
Brenda (00:30:32) - That's called magnetism. And the way to create magnetism for yourself is can you guess? It's to feel good. When you're feeling good, you become magnetic, literally magnetic, and you attract situations, people, opportunities to you simply because of your energy. And again, it goes back to that guitar string idea where when you're on this frequency that feels better to people, they want to be on that frequency with you. So even if they're not on the frequency, they want to be on your frequency. When you're at a higher number, whether you remember the scale of 1 to 10, we started talking about. So let's say your resting position becomes an eight or a nine. You're going to start attracting people to you simply because they feel good around you, because they're drafting on your energy. Now, that's something we want to be careful of. We don't want people to actually be drafting on your energy to be like consuming your energy. But we do want them to be attracted to it. And we're going to have to talk about that on a different podcast.
Brenda (00:31:42) - And I will talk about that on a different podcast, especially because I have a retreat coming up in September. It's called the Energetic Mastery Retreat. It's September 23rd through 27th in the Portland metro area, and there's only eight spots for that retreat. If you think you want to have one of those spots at the Energetic Mastery Retreat, go check out the web page at Brandon winkle.com/energetic Mastery and apply to be one of the eight people who can come to that retreat. And one spot's already sold, so there's only seven left. But we're going to be talking a lot, doing a deep dive at that retreat about how to protect yourself from people consuming your energy. But back to magnetism. We do want people to be magnetized by your energy, and the way to do that is by making sure you feel good more of the time. And that leads us to the final thing we're going to talk about, about why it's important for you to feel good, which is that the difference between you pouring from an empty cup.
Brenda (00:32:45) - Remember that podcast episode, a couple back with Megan Sandy, how she said that it is possible to pour from an empty cup because people do it all the time. So think about the difference between pouring from an empty cup and pouring from overflow. When you're pouring from a place of overflow, everything is different. There's true generosity that's coming through. When you're pouring from that place of overflow, people can feel it. They know that you've got you. They know that you are resourced. They can feel it when you're giving from a place. Of depletion. The thing that begins to happen is one people feel like you can't hold them. I know that's difficult to hear, but it is true. If you're giving from a place of depletion, you're pouring from that proverbial empty cup. People start to question whether or not you can hold them, and that means they question whether or not you can hold them in the meeting, whether or not you can hold them in the the job in the coaching container. If you're a coach, if you're a realtor, they start to wonder if you can hold them through the sale or the purchase of the home.
Brenda (00:34:00) - If you're a teacher, your students start to wonder if you can hold them in the classroom in a way that feels safe to their little systems. And that's a lot of times why students start to misbehave, because they feel you can't hold them, because you're giving from a place of depletion, as opposed to the person who's giving from a place of overflow. They're completely resourced. They're fully resourced, there's no resentment. And because there's no resentment and they're giving from a place of full resource, there's so much strength in the poor. Because when you're pouring from a place of overflow, you know you've got you. The other person feels that you've got you. And then you can also start to trust that the other person's got them. When if you're giving from a place of depletion. It's really easy to attract other people who are a also giving him a place of depletion or be going to take advantage of your depletion. And we don't want either one of those things. So it's really important, if you can, to resource yourself so that you're giving from a place of overflow.
Brenda (00:35:15) - How do you do that? Well. Not to sound like a broken record, but you're going to go download the guide the Feel Better Fast guide so that you can begin to feel better because that's the place of resource. Seriously, that's the place of resource. Now, it might take a little bit of just trusting me. Just trust me to think that if you put on a beautiful hand lotion that you're going to be pouring from a more full cup. But trust me, over time, those little actions that you take to make yourself feel better add up. And before you know it, you're resting position has changed completely. There's so much love for you. If you're resting. Position right now is a 3 or 4. There's so much love for you. I've been there. You know, there were at least a decade, maybe a decade and a half that I was teaching that my resting position would have been a 3 or 4. I had constant headaches. I mean, two, three, four days a week.
Brenda (00:36:21) - I took ibuprofen all the time. I've talked about this before on the podcast, how I'd had ibuprofen. In every backpack, in the car, in my desk at home, and my desk at school because I just had constant headaches. I took antacids all the time. I mean, my resting position really was a 3 or 4, and it caused me to make some really questionable decisions because I wasn't feeling my best, because I didn't have access to that creativity. And so if if your wrestling position is a 3 or 4, there's so much love for you. There's so much love for this experience, and there's a better way you can feel better. Go download this guide and take ten minutes and actually complete the guide. It seriously will only take you ten minutes and I think you'll find it really fun. Now, one of the things that happened to me when I first started to do this work was I there were two things. One is I realized I didn't know myself as well as I thought.
Brenda (00:37:21) - And the second thing was I was really surprised by what I liked. I'm going to give you two examples. When I started to do this work, it made me curious about other things that weren't necessarily in that little Rose Bowl. It made me curious around what is it that I actually like? What is it that I don't like? And so I was just open and curious going through my normal day. We we'd been doing this work inside the fishbowl or the Rose Bowl for probably a couple of months. When we came home one Sunday afternoon from an outing at the Boise River, which is where we loved to go. We love to walk on the greenbelt with my daughter and my dogs and oh my gosh, we just had the best time. So I came home and on the counter was a crock pot that had roast beef and carrots and potatoes and onions, and I had made a roast beef this way the entire time I was married, which was 14 years. And I made it every Sunday. And then I'd been divorced for a while, like probably almost a year at this point.
Brenda (00:38:28) - I'd been divorced and I was still making a roast every Sunday. But that day, when I came home from the Boise River, I walked in the door and I smelled the roast cooking, and I walked over and I peered inside the crock pot, and I allowed myself to be really curious, and I was like. Why do I do this and do I like this? And so I slowed down and I looked at each ingredient. Do I like the carrots? Yes, I love the carrots. They're so good. Do I like the potatoes? Yes, I love the potatoes. They're. They're good. Do I like the onions? Yeah. They're okay. I don't love them, but they're okay. I don't hate them either. Do I like the beef? Oh, no. I was shocked. I didn't like roast beef, but I had no idea I had made it every Sunday for 14 years, but I honestly didn't like. Still don't roast beef. We do it to ourselves, unless we get really intentional about making sure that we're feeling good and putting the feeling good things into our existence, into our experience.
Brenda (00:39:47) - We do it to ourselves. Like me and the roast beef. I'll tell you. I haven't made roast beef since that was 2008. So I have eaten it once because someone made me dinner and they made me roast beef. And I did eat it because I felt the love that was used to prepare that meal. And, and it made me happier to experience the love than it did to not eat the roast beef, so I did. I did that, but otherwise I haven't eaten roast beef. The other thing it was a big surprise is that when I allowed myself to get really curious. I learned I love lemon. I love lemon like lemon anything. Lemon lemonade, lemon bars, lemon cream pie I love lemon. But if you would have asked me before, I got really curious about what I liked and didn't liked, I would have told you I like chocolate. I do like chocolate. But I love lemon. So you never know what you might discover when you do this list. Because so often we are in a bid to compromise with the people in our lives.
Brenda (00:41:00) - Especially if you've got more people in your home with lots of different tastes, it's really easy to not know which one is yours. So you can also print off the guide to learn a little bit more about things that you like and don't like. And it seriously is going to take you maybe ten minutes. And that's assuming you don't know yourself very well. It'll take you ten minutes. If you do know yourself really well, it'll take you five minutes and you're going to have a great time. So you get that by going to Brenda winkel.com forward slash. Feel better fast. All right I'm looking at my notes. The other thing is that's really really important to to name is that. When you make someone else's needs more important than your own. You are setting yourself up to feel resentment. And if you think that no one can feel that you are kidding yourself.
Brenda (00:41:59) - So.
Brenda (00:42:01) - I don't know whether any other way to say it then, that I know that that's blunt and may not feel great, but if you're doing things and you feel resentful, the people in your life are feeling that resentment.
Brenda (00:42:13) - So if you've been doing this thing where you're not feeling good for a long time and you're changing things up, it's really good to let people in your life know. And you can do that by simply saying, I'm going to be making some changes. I'm going to be making sure that I feel better more of the time. It might mean that I respond to you differently. It might mean that I respond to me differently. And I just want you to know you haven't done anything wrong and you haven't done anything bad. And this is just about me getting to know myself. And if there's anything that makes you uncomfortable, let's talk about it. Okay, so I really, really am on the side of communicating. Anytime that you're trying to create a change with other people in your life so that they don't feel like it's about anything else. And of course, we can't control what they feel. But by communicating, you're you're going to be giving them a heads up and perhaps they'll even support you. And it will absolutely remove a little bit of resistance for you.
Brenda (00:43:16) - And then if you notice, I mean, most people notice that when they start to communicate their needs more to their loved ones, their loved ones actually are relieved. They have wanted you to say what you wanted and needed. And the more that you do that, the more intimate your relationship can become. Communication is oh my gosh, it.
Brenda (00:43:42) - Just.
Brenda (00:43:43) - It's so, so, so important. And even the simple things like saying I really love lemon can help someone feel closer to you, because then when they go to the store and they're like on the fence of what to get, they know that you really like the lemon thing. They're going to bring that home and then that feels away to you. So invitation to do this work and bring your family along with you. Heck, you could download this. You could save a couple couple versions of it and ask your partner or your loved one to do it too. And you can make it a couple's activity. Or you could even do this with your kids and make it a family activity.
Brenda (00:44:18) - It could be really fun and a great way for you to get some, some deeper connection with the people that you love. Because connection, oh my gosh, connection just feels so good. And when we're connected in ways that feel really safe, the things that you can do and create are absolutely mind blowing. So the goal of this entire episode is to help you understand why it's so important that you feel good more of the time. The secondary goal is that you're going to actually improve your relationships because you're feeling good more of the time. You're going to have more capacity to show up for the people in your life, and you're very likely going to notice that you're communicating things in a new way. So I can't wait to see you there. So I can't wait for you to get started and download this guide. So if you have any questions, feel free to DM me on Instagram at Brenda Winkel. Email me at Brenda at Brenda Winkle. Com I'd love to hear from you. In fact, it's my favorite thing.
Brenda (00:45:23) - I love it when you ask me questions or when you let me know that you've heard an episode. And if you loved this episode, would you please consider sharing it with a friend? Your five star review is probably the most helpful thing you can do for the podcast, and if you haven't left a rating or review in a while or ever invitation to do so, if you felt this episode was helpful and supportive for you, thank you so much for listening to your yes filled life. I'm so grateful to have you along with this journey. Like I just can't even tell you. So grateful for you. Thank you for listening. Bye for now. Until next time.
