Brenda (00:00:01) - Hello and welcome back to your yes filled life. I'm your host, Brenda Winkle. If this is your first time here, I'm so excited to have you. And if you have listened before, or even if this is your very first time, I have an invitation for you. Go subscribe to the podcast so you won't miss a thing. There are some really, really exciting episodes coming up in the next several weeks and months with amazing guests you are not going to want to miss. So go subscribe, hit that follow button wherever you're listening, and if you haven't yet left a podcast, a rating, or a review, that is one of the really helpful things that you can do to make sure that this podcast ends up in the ears of people who really need it. And because I believe that we all need that feeling of yes, so much more in our life, I really, truly believe that this podcast can help lots and lots of people. And so I'm going to ask for your help in sharing it, sharing it with people that you love, giving it ratings and reviews.
Brenda (00:01:02) - And did you know that you can give the podcast more than one review on Apple Podcasts? It's true. You can come back in and give it another rating, another review. And I would be so grateful if you did so. This episode is dedicated to the person who's working really, really hard, who's having some success, and also knows that there might be some things that are subconsciously getting in her way. And we're going to talk about those three things that might subconsciously be getting in her way. But more importantly, I'm going to start with how you can shift those three things so that you can actually start to take your foot off the brake of anything that might not be moving as quickly as you want it to move, or as effectively so. When we talk about a yes filled life, the feeling state that I want for you is that feeling of yes, yes, this is going so well. So when we have a yes filled life, it's not about saying yes to everything. In fact, it's the opposite.
Brenda (00:02:09) - A true yes filled life means that we have learned to say no to the good so that we have the capacity, the bandwidth and the energy to say yes to the things that actually light us up. And so having a yes filled life is not becoming a yes person. It's not saying yes to every single thing that crosses your path. It's using a level of discernment. Now, I have tried to say yes to everything. In fact, I had the yes filled year after reading the book Yes by Shonda Rhimes, which, if you haven't read that yet, it is delightful. One of my favorites. I had a year of yes, and every single opportunity that crossed my path. I said yes to, whether it was somebody inviting me on a date, a career opportunity or anything else. I said yes, and at that point in my life. I really needed that, because I had said no to myself so much that when I started to say yes, I was really challenged because I was saying yes to things that were way outside my comfort zone.
Brenda (00:03:17) - And so this was a way of kind of leaning into the person that I'm in now. So if you have been not saying yes to yourself, invitation to start and I have a place for you to try and just try it in a really safe container, I'm hosting a free challenge called yes to Me. It goes live May 15th 16th. Excuse me. May 14th, 15 and 17 will be live for 90 minutes each day. It's a free challenge and yes, there is a replay. You can register by going to Brenda winkle.com forward slash. Yes to me. Yes Tom that's all lowercase all one word. And I hope that you do, because this yes to me is pivotal. Like it literally changes lives. And I don't say that lightly. There are people who only come to me for yes, to me and many of my clients that are enrolled in second chapter or were former members in Gas Academy. They come back to that event because it's their favorite, because it really is that good. So no matter where you are in your journey, whether you're trying to discern the yeses that you are trying to say to yourself or if you're like, I'm saying yes to everything, and I have no room left to say yes to the things I want come to.
Brenda (00:04:34) - Yes to me, because we'll help support whatever, whatever part of the journey that you're on. Now. There are three things that you can be doing that will really supercharge your. Yes. And when I say supercharge your yes, I mean that you can create a yes that feels good, that feels aligned, that's completely embodied, that has no kink in the energy anywhere, and that doesn't cost you in ways that you feel like you can't afford. So we'll start with number one. Number one is to practice true generosity. And say yes or give only from that full body. Yes. That means giving or saying yes when you genuinely want to say yes or to give. And you also have the capacity to give. That's a really important thing, because if you're saying yes to things and you don't have the capacity for them, it's not a true yes because you won't show up fully. You'll only show up partway. So saying yes to things when you have the full capacity is really important. So here's what I mean.
Brenda (00:05:49) - And this is a really big one for people. We are socialized in the United States, especially as women, to give in fact. A lot of the the things that we receive as far as messaging from media messaging, from movies and television is that women need to care, give or be caring or be nurturing until they're exhausted. And then it's sort of a badge of honor. And, you know, we go around comparing our schedules, our back to back to back schedules. And, you know, how busy was your carpool week this week and how busy was your soccer season this week? And, how busy was your teenager this week? You know, how many did you have to shop for a prom dress on the last minute? I mean, no matter where you are in your parenting journey or if you're not a parent, this still comes up for people because we live in a society that gives false recognition for showing up for people in a way that's not in our highest integrity. And what I mean by that is we live in a society that rewards us, so to speak, for being workaholics.
Brenda (00:07:01) - For going to work in a way that is over our capacity and that includes our work as parents. If you if you happen to be a parent. So knowing that we're working in a society that values this, especially coming from women. My invitation to you is to begin to push back. So I became a single mom when my daughter was five, and I learned very, very quickly that if I was the only one caring for her, that I was so exhausted that I wasn't actually showing up for her. I wasn't present in the times when I wanted to be present. And worst of all, I didn't have bandwidth or capacity to handle any kind of frustration. So I vividly remember a time it was early 2008. Or maybe mid 2008. I guess it doesn't matter too much. We had just I just bought a house and so I'd been single for not quite a year. In fact, probably just a few months. We bought our house, we'd painted the living room, and we were doing something not related to moving.
Brenda (00:08:09) - And I remember losing my patience, and I snapped at her and the look on her face and the energy and emotionality I felt from her. Oh my gosh, I really wounded her. Like really wounded her. And I recognized in that moment that I had to take better care of myself, because if I didn't. I was going to lash out at her, and I wasn't going to be the parent that she needed. And so I began to seek ways to get support. So sometimes that meant hiring a babysitter. Sometimes that meant trading with a friend. Sometimes it meant asking my family or friends for help, like, could you just give me an hour off here? Or an hour off there to go to yoga or to meet a friend or, you know, those kind of things. And so no matter where you are in your journey, whether or not you're a parent and no matter how old your kids are, you can take some breaks if you need to. And if you're not taking breaks, I implore you, please, please take breaks.
Brenda (00:09:19) - Because if you are thinking to yourself that you have to be the on call parent 24 over seven in order to be a worthy parent, you are telling yourself one of the biggest lies that has never been true. That's never been true. You know, in the days when women were not working outside of the home because that wasn't necessary financially. Women still weren't on call 24 over seven. The way that some some of us think that we should be now. We were raising children in a village and there were aunties and neighbours and and friends and everybody pitched in to raise the child. So no one was being exhausted. But in our society, we're kind of siloing ourselves. And whether you're a mother or you're a fur baby, this is true where we think that we have to do it all on our own. That's just a lie that you have been told. I invite you to start to push back on that lie. You know what? Your kids don't need you to be there 24 over seven. Your kids need you to be fully present when you are there, and loving and kind and patient when you are there.
Brenda (00:10:25) - And if you are trying to be present 24 over seven for anyone or anything, whether it's an aging parent or a sick partner, you need to take some breaks. Because if you're not taking breaks and if you're not prioritizing your own well-being, it's coming out sideways in ways that you are not fully aware of. And I know that that sounds harsh, but. Not as harsh as you're being. To your loved ones when you're depleted and angry and resentful. You need to take some breaks. Which brings us back into what I said at the beginning, which is we need to practice two true generosity and give when you want to and have the capacity to give. Now, when you have a minor child at home, there are some things that you're going to have to do, and there are some timelines that you're going to have to keep whether or not you want to. And that is true. You know, like with an infant, they're going to need a diaper change when they need a diaper change, right? We can't do anything about that.
Brenda (00:11:23) - But if you have an an ailing partner, you can take some breaks. It might require you to set some boundaries. It might require you to push back on them a little bit and say, hey, I'm going to go down and have coffee with my friend for an hour. I need you to stay here so that you can be safe while I'm gone, but it's imperative for you to be taking those breaks for yourself, because if you are giving 24 over seven, you're not being as generous as you think. Because whether or not you intend to, you are sometimes lashing out at the people you love the most. So whether we're talking to you as like, this is your personal life as a parent, a caregiver. Or it's your professional life. If you're giving things you don't want to be giving. Time. Energy. Money. Bandwidth. I'm going to ask you to stop. It's not generous to give things you don't want to give. Everyone feels it. You know that I'm not telling you anything you don't know.
Brenda (00:12:29) - But I also recognize that one of the reasons that you are continuing to give in the way that you're giving is because your nervous system is telling you it's not safe for you to do anything else. So it feels literally life threatening for you to stop. I recognize that, and there's so much love for that. But it doesn't have to be this way. You can get your nervous system balanced so that you have the capacity to say, honey, I love you, but no. Or boss. I really value this job, but I'm not going to work this weekend. It is not in my contract to do so. And the way that you can do that is through somatic practices like breathwork, like somatic coaching. So when I talk about somatic practices, let me really dial in what that is. You've got two basic nervous system responses. You've got the autonomic nervous system. That's the nervous system that is involuntary. Like your heart beats, your vagus nerve fires, your stomach digests, that's your autonomic nervous system.
Brenda (00:13:32) - And then you have your somatic nervous system in the body. When we deal with somatic coaching, we are helping the somatic system to process and release stock emotionality stock trauma. And by doing so, we actually increase your nervous systems capacity to handle any kind of stress, which makes you more resilient. It makes you more tolerant and it can heal the child parts inside of you that might be wounded, which are keeping you stuck, keeping you saying yes to things you don't actually want to do. So come join us for the Yes to Me challenge. We're going to be doing breathwork every day, and even if you are only in it for those three days and you don't choose to continue working with me, you'll notice a difference in your nervous systems, responses and capacity just from doing breathwork those three days, because it really does work. So I would love to remind you that no one benefits from you becoming a martyr. And that as much as you've been sold a bill of goods about how being a martyr is how you earn your value.
Brenda (00:14:40) - That's not true. It's just not true. It's not true. And, you know, as as somebody who has lived with and even been a martyr, I get how addictive it is. It really is addictive to feeling needed and to feeling like I'm giving it away. That isn't super comfortable. So I must be really doing a good job, right? That's just not true. So we're going to shift that, and you are going to begin to say yes to the things that really, really light you up, the things that you want to do. Now, if you talk to any nutritionist about how to add healthier foods into your diet, they use, a system called crowding out. In other words, we're not going to restrict anything, but we're going to add in the good things. That's what a nutritionist would do if she were looking at your plate. We're going to do the same thing with your yeses. We're not going to ask you to say no to anything yet. But we're going to begin to crowd out the things you don't want to do by adding in things that you do want to do.
Brenda (00:15:49) - So I'm going to invite you to go download a free workbook free worksheet called Feel Better Fast. You can access it right on the website at Brendan winkle.com forward slash. Feel better fast. That's feel better fast. All lowercase all one word. Go get your free guide. And even if you cannot remember a single thing that you like, this worksheet and guide will help you remember things that you like so that you can begin to crowd out all the obligations with things that you actually want to do. And then, of course, come to the yes to me challenge, because that is really going to supercharge it. Okay, so I can't wait to hear from you. What are you going to begin to use crowding out for? Are you going to sign up for a yoga class? Are you going to take a dance class? Are you going to go make a beating with your friend and go for coffee sometime? Next week or the week after? Can you schedule a phone call with somebody you haven't talked to for a while? What are you going to do to crowd out some of the obligations with things that really light you up? I cannot wait to hear.
Brenda (00:16:54) - Please DM me at Brenda Winkle on Instagram because I really do want to hear. Okay, now let's go on to number two, a way that you can supercharge your results, increase the way that you're feeling, increase your vibration. And this one. This one is. This one might be challenging for some of you, and that's okay, but it's really impactful. Here it is. You're going to start to share things that are going really well, or that you're proud of early in a conversation. That's right. Whether you're talking to your mom on the phone or your sister, or talking to your friend, or talking to a colleague, and in the break room at work, you are going to begin to share things that are going well that you're proud of. And here's why. We learn in childhood what gets us the most attention, right? So if you got the most attention in your family of origin when things went wrong, whether it's because you skinned a knee or something got broken or you got in a fight with your sister, whatever those things were, if you learned that you get the most attention when things go wrong, you have developed a habit of starting with the negative thing.
Brenda (00:18:10) - Okay, so if this is you. What's happening is when somebody asks you how you're doing, you might not start with the thing that you're proudest of. It might really take a while for you to get into the conversation, to share something that's going well or that you're proud of. In fact, you might not even get there because it might take you so long to to think about it and to work up the courage to say it. So I'm going to invite you to do something. I'm going to invite you the next time something goes really well. Write it down, put it on a sticky note, put it in a note in your phone, and then before you get ready to go see someone, whether it's, you know you're going to work for the on a Monday after the weekend, or you're going to go see a friend that you haven't seen for a while, or you're going to call your sister, look at the note and see the thing that went really well. And then when they ask you how you are, you can tell them how you are, and then you'll launch into the thing that went really well.
Brenda (00:19:09) - So let me give you an example. if. If someone says to you, hey, how are things going? Your go to might be to downplay the things that are going well and up. Play things that aren't going well as a way to take the temperature of what the person you're having a conversation with needs. If you're doing that, what's happening is you are subconsciously saying no to your own. Yes. That's right. You're saying no to your own? Yes. When you decide to temperature take before sharing the thing that's going really well. If you get proactive and you set the temperature by sharing what's really going well, you're going to invite the other person to share what's going really well in their life, too. And the conversation is going to feel really, really different. And you can both celebrate each other. Now, let's say that you're having a conversation with somebody who doesn't want you to share good things. Well, you might actually have to set some boundaries around that person. And what I mean by that is maybe you can't share the good things with that person, and maybe that means that you need to spend less time with them, whether it's less phone calls or just less physical time with them.
Brenda (00:20:28) - And maybe it's time for you to find some new community members that really want to celebrate you, that want you to know what's going really well. You know, there was a time in my life when I would literally spend 2 to 3 hours a day on the phone with somebody complaining about all the things, and I looked forward to that. I am telling you, I looked forward to that. This was like in 2004. And in 2004, I was miserable. I was dealing with the depression. I was dealing with the anxiety. I was dealing with being in an unhappy marriage, and I was unfulfilled and lonely. And oh, let me tell you, just getting to complain on the phone for 2 to 3 hours felt like medicine. Except it didn't, because when I got off the phone, I felt like garbage. I felt worse than I had when I got on the phone. And it wasn't until somebody brought it to my attention. Then I began to shift it, and it took a lot of intentionality for me to shift it.
Brenda (00:21:34) - And it was really uncomfortable because I had to go from just thinking of the lowest hanging fruit of the thing that had happened the day. That bugged me the most into thinking about what happened that I actually liked or was proud of. It was a real mind shift switch, and it's one that changed my life. It's one that got me to where I am today, because if I wouldn't have made that shift, I can guarantee you you would not be listening to this podcast because you wouldn't want to hear it. It'd be too negative. It'd be too much on your system, and it would repel you. So when somebody asks you how you're doing next time, you're going to think of the best thing that's happened in the last 72 hours or the last week. Because it's going to change the way the conversation goes. Grab hold of the conversation in the beginning and shift the energy by sharing something that's really good. And then also just recognizing that if this feels really difficult for you because you grew up in a family where you got the most attention when bad things happened.
Brenda (00:22:38) - We're going to come back to this nervous system regulation piece. It's not your fault that this feels like the same thing. This was in your family of origin. But we can shift it. We can heal it. And, you know, come again to the yes to me challenge, and we'll start the process of switching this so that you can really step into the power that is within you. Because I guarantee you, when you look at really successful people all over the world, whether they're podcasters or educators or entrepreneurs or scientists or journalists, you want to hear from the most positive ones because they make you feel good so you can become the most positive one. When you retrain your nervous system to know that positivity is safe, talking about what's good is safe, and I do want to acknowledge it is going to require some re patterning if you learn that negative system in your childhood, but you can do it, I can help you do it. Breathwork and somatics I'm like oh my gosh, oh my gosh.
Brenda (00:23:45) - And then if if you're not able to attend the yes to Me challenge for whatever reason, go download that free guide that feel Better fast guide, because even that is going to shift things tremendously for you. And. If you don't have anybody in your life right now where you feel like you can actually share something that's going really well, share it with me. Seriously, send me an email with a voice note and record yourself and share it. Or give me a voice note on Instagram. I really do want you to celebrate the things that are going well, and I'm happy to be that person for you, because it's so important for you to be able to acknowledge and recognize the things that are going really well in your life, because I guarantee that no matter what your situation is, there are things that are going well. I promise you there are things going well. And the other thing this does for you is it trains your brain to think about the things that are positive. And we know from all of the research the impact that gratitude has on longevity, on mental health and on success.
Brenda (00:24:53) - But I want to take it one step further. One of the things that I teach inside all of my programs, including second chapter, is that appreciation is a really impactful vehicle because we can use appreciation as a vehicle to feeling better fast. So the difference between gratitude and appreciation is very subtle. In gratitude. There can be a level of contrast where you're thinking about, I can see a situation when I might have this thing I'm grateful for, but I can also see the situation when I might not have this thing. And so that level of contrast, while gratitude, is still really impactful, that level of contrast is not present in appreciation. So here's the difference in appreciation. The energy behind it is very, very clean. When you lean into appreciation, you are simply acknowledging and recognizing and feeling into the energy of oh my gosh, this feels good. I appreciate you, I appreciate you listening to this podcast. And as I'm looking around the room, I appreciate that Bentley. My little dog is right beside me.
Brenda (00:26:05) - I appreciate the beautiful candle on my desk. What can you look around your room and appreciate right now where you're listening? Or if you're driving? What can you notice right now that that, you can notice and appreciate? Let's find three things ready. Let's look at three things. No matter where you are that you can appreciate right now. Now, before you do this, hold on, hold on, hold on. Before you do this, I want you to rate how you're feeling on a scale of 1 to 10. One being I feel like a bag of balls. Ten being I feel amazing. Okay. Where are you on that scale? Pick your number. Okay, now go find your three things. I'm going to be silent for, let's say 30s. I'm going to set a little timer for myself, and I'm going to be silent for 30s. We'll see how well that goes. Okay. We're halfway. Okay, that was 30s. Now, I hope you found three things that you really appreciated.
Brenda (00:27:34) - Tell me. Rate yourself on a scale of zero of 1 to 10. How are you feeling? It would be shocking to me if your number did not increase. I would be shocked. If your number didn't increase. In fact, I'm. I'm certain that if you actually took the time to find three things you appreciated that you are feeling better now than you were just a minute ago. That's the impact of appreciation. That's why sharing something that's going well as you start the conversation is so important, because not only do you get into that energy of appreciation, but you can bring that energy of appreciation into the conversation with the other person so they get to feel it too. Okay. And that leads us to the third thing, which is related, but not the same as number two. So the third thing is start every conversation with something that's going right now. I know how easy it is for us to start conversations with things that have gone have gone wrong. I mean, the other day. I logged into a podcast interview with a host, and the first three things she told me were that she didn't sleep well and that she had bad allergies and that something else had happened, and I just felt like, oh, that just was like a downer for me.
Brenda (00:29:00) - And then I shared three things that had gone well and the energy shifted. And you can probably feel the energetic shift right now, as I mentioned, that you probably felt a little downward spiral of the energy. That's the impact of sharing negative things. It happens in our own bodies, and it happens in the systems of the people that we're talking to, which is why this is so, so very important. So when someone asks you how you are, my encouragement to you is to say something like great or fantastic and then share something positive. You can share something that you're excited about, something you're looking forward to, something that went really well. And even if you're in a slump, even if things are absolutely terrible for you and they're legitimately terrible, you can still find something positive to say. Like, you could notice something positive about the weather trend, or a delicious meal or snack that maybe you had, or maybe somebody was kind to you, or maybe something funny happened with your fur baby or your kid.
Brenda (00:30:01) - Or maybe you watched a funny video on Instagram or TikTok. You can find something that is going right. I guarantee you you just have to set the intention to do it. So let me give you an example. If you were to say, hey Brenda, how are you? I might say, I am so great today. Today Bentley and I have already been on two walks and I'm so excited because it's sunny today and I'm getting ready to pack. I'm going to see my family this week and things are just going really well. How are you? Did you feel that energy shift? Did you feel how it just was a higher vibration? I can feel it a lot of times in my solar plexus, so maybe it's hitting you in your belly. When I mentioned these energy shifts, but really, there's no single place that you could feel it. All of us are designed differently, so maybe you feel it in your heart, or maybe you feel it in your hands or your head. There's no right or wrong place to feel it, but I guarantee you, you felt the energy shift, right? Yeah.
Brenda (00:31:00) - That's the impact of sharing a conversation. Sharing? Excuse me? Sharing something that's going right in every conversation. It's really, really important. Now let's be careful about something here. I am not telling you that you should ignore or sugarcoat or avoid real challenges that you are experiencing in your life. I'm not saying that. In fact, that's called spiritual bypassing. That is not at all what I want you to do because that's not healthy. That won't get you anywhere. If you're ignoring any negative feelings or negative sensations. In fact, if you do ignore a negative feelings and negative sensations, they get stored in the body and they come out sideways in other ways that are less predictable. I really do want you to acknowledge the things that may be feeling crunchy in your life and feel them all the way through, but at the beginning of a conversation is not the place or time to do it. Does that make sense? And I know that sounds a little bit harsh, but I'm I'm telling you, the way that I see it, this is one of the things that holds people back the most, because if you're making a first impression from somebody, they're not listening to the words that you're saying.
Brenda (00:32:12) - They're really tuning in to how you're making them feel. So if you're making them feel like, oh, this is hard or sloppy, that's what they're remembering. They're not remembering your capabilities. They're not remembering your talents. They're only remembering, oh, this does not feel good. They're not remembering how good you are at something. They're just remembering this feeling. So this is critical, absolutely critical. If you remember nothing else from this podcast, please remember this. Start every conversation with something that is going right. If you have to dig deep to find that thing, like maybe it was the peach that you had last summer that you were thinking about this morning and it was so juicy and sweet. If that's the thing that you bring into the conversation, that's great, but make sure that you are being mindful and intentional to add that that positivity, that's something that's going right into the beginning of every single conversation with every single person, including the people that you live with. This is a slippery slope for people.
Brenda (00:33:16) - I see with a lot of clients where they go home and somebody says, how was your day? And you launch into the things that are not going well? Well guess how that person's feeling now? Guess how you're feeling now you know why energy is everything, and wherever you're throwing your attention is where you're also throwing your energy. So if you're throwing attention into the things that aren't going well, guess what's happening? Those things are getting bigger. They're literally getting bigger. You're adding fuel to the fire. So when you shift the energy of the beginning of the conversation first to something positive, even if you bring in a challenge in the middle of the of the conversation or the ending of the conversation, you have still really created a field of positivity that can have serve as a container for the negative thing that's happening in your life, and the negative thing will not take the same bandwidth that it would have if you didn't set the field first. And when I'm talking about the field, I'm talking about the field of pure potentiality, the field of energy, the field of of heart coherence between you and me when we set the field first with positivity.
Brenda (00:34:28) - That is like setting a container or setting a boundary around us where there's this feel good positive energy. And if we add the reality of things that aren't going as well inside that container because it's contained, they don't feel as negative, you're going to find that you are going to solve problems much more quickly and much more easily. You'll find that you start to feel better. You'll find that you have less problems. I mean, the benefits from starting every conversation with something that go, something that's going right, go on and on and on and on. It's not just about the first impression with the other person. It's also how this is impacting you and your brain and your energetic field. And it's one of the most impactful things you can do to increase the abundance in your life. Abundance is everywhere. Just like you have to look outside your window and see the trees with all their leaves, or the flowers blooming, or the birds chirping. To know that we live in an abundant universe. And when you are noticing those things, that's where you're placing your attention, and that's where you're placing your energy.
Brenda (00:35:36) - So those things begin to grow. So the more you speak into the world, the things that are going really well, the things that are going right, the more you'll see those things. And the inverse is also true if you are speaking things into the world about things that aren't going right, guess what's going to happen? You're going to see more of that. Am I saying that you're causing your own reality? Yes, I am, I am, and that might be challenging for some of you. And I recognize that it was absolutely challenging for me when I first started to do this work, to think that I had caused some of the things that had happened to me, that I was responsible. But the truth is, we all are. We all are responsible because we we have so much in our experiences and in our lives that's not in our control, but how you respond and the energy you bring to something is absolutely in your control. In fact, some would say it's the only thing that's in your control is how you respond and show up to things.
Brenda (00:36:40) - And by making this change to making sure you start every single conversation with what's going right, that is one of the most impactful things you can do. It will literally change your life if you do that one thing. So let's do a quick recap. The three things that you can do to supercharge your results. Supercharge your life. You're going to practice true generosity and give what you want to give and have the capacity to give. That might mean you need to learn to say no. It might need to. You need to learn to set some boundaries. And if that's the case for you, I've got you covered. Setting healthy boundaries is one of my biggest gifts. And it came. It came as a gift because I had to do the work. I had zero boundaries and I was like a professional people pleaser. And so when I did the work and I worked with Terry Cole and I worked with Mark Groves on codependency, and I showed up for the work, I learned a lot. And now I'm really good at boundaries, and I teach them.
Brenda (00:37:37) - In fact, they're one of the pillars inside the second chapter. I almost called the Ace Academy, and they're one of the pillars inside. Second chapter is learning how to set those healthy boundaries so that you truly can say yes to the things that light you up, and no to the things that don't. So that's number one. You're going to practice true generosity. Number two, you are going to share things that you're proud of early in the conversation to empower and allow the people that you're talking with to do the same. And it also sets the energetic configuration of the conversation, and you'll be really, really happy that you've done that. And then number three, and probably most important, because this has the potential to impact every single area of your life. You're going to start every conversation with something that's going right. That's right. Something that's going right. And when someone asks you how you are, your answer is going to be great or fantastic, because guess what's also happening in your subconscious? Your subconscious is listening to your words.
Brenda (00:38:39) - So even if you feel like a bag of balls, if someone says, how are you? You can say, I'm great. And this is the thing that's positive that I'm thinking about. And then remember, there's still space and time, and I'm encouraging you to actually process the emotions of the things that aren't going as well and the difficult things I'm not telling you not to do those. I am telling you not to do them first thing in the conversation. There's an a really important distinction there. And I just wanted to hit that again. Invitation to come join me for the Yes to Me challenge. We're going to be talking about some of this stuff, and I'll definitely set you off so that you can incorporate some of this into your own life. And then if you want to go deeper and you're really willing to do the work and to show up for yourself in a way that you've been showing up for everybody else, invitation to come join me inside. Second chapter. Second chapter is a live group coaching program and course.
Brenda (00:39:32) - It's a six month container and it is my best work ever. Like I am so proud of this work. I am incorporating everything that I've learned in my training as a trauma informed Breathwork facilitator and Somatic coach, as a Reiki Master, as an advanced Theta Healing practitioner, and incorporating my work in education where I spent 26 years and have a master's degree. I'm telling you, second chapter is it is so good, it's so good, and it will absolutely get you the transformation that you have been dreaming of. I know what it's like to to have made a really courageous decision about how you want your life to go, and then to not quite know what the next steps are or to even be before you've made that courageous decision, and to know that you really want to, and to feel scared and not know what to do next. And no matter where you are coming in on your journey of second chapter, your second chapter, or maybe it's your third or fourth or fifth, I promise you, I've got you with this seven part framework.
Brenda (00:40:36) - It is absolutely the coolest thing that I have come up with so far. So in this framework, we're going to look at all of the aspects of you, both the physical you, the spiritual you, the emotional you. And we're going to give you the skills and the tools to create the life that you have been dreaming of. So if you want to go deeper, you absolutely can do that. It's an option for you. Second chapter is now enrolling. And I can tell you a little bit more in the Yes to Me challenge. If you've got questions about second chapter, we can answer them. but even if you don't think you want to move on to second chapter, come to the yes to me challenge because that alone will absolutely be life changing. Like, seriously, it's one of my favorite things. I'm already preparing the content for it and all of the links are in the show notes. You you can go check them out, see which ones feel aligned for you. But I do encourage you to download that free guide the Feel Better Fast Guide.
Brenda (00:41:39) - that's going to help you remember the things that you like to do so that you have great things to talk about. The next time somebody asks you if you suddenly go blank and you're like, wait a minute, I don't remember. All right. Thank you so much for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, would you please consider sharing it with somebody that you love? Because I know that there are so many of us that are tired of playing small. We are tired of living lives for other people in ways that don't feel reciprocal. We're tired of over giving, and it's time for us to show up for ourselves. Because when we show up for ourselves, when you show up for you, you are giving from a place of the most pure, true generosity and loving energy possible. And I want that for all of us. I want that for every single one of us. And I want you to have a yes filled life. Thank you so much for listening. Bye for now. Until next time.
