45. How to feel loved with KJ Nasrul
KJ Nasrul came into my life through a mastermind we are both a part. It was an immediate connection... and you'll hear why.
Kimberly Jane "KJ" Nasrul is a licensed trauma-focused psychotherapist, artist, and speaker. She has an obsession with words and a knack for making grilled cheese sandwiches. She helps Essential Frontline workers, healthcare providers, and educators recover their resiliency via expressive arts, EMDR Therapy, and methods of Compassionate questioning to prevent burnout so that they can continue to heal their communities.
When she's not planning her next traveling adventure, KJ can be found on her podcast Stories of Astonishing Light jamming with artists and trailblazers about the intersection of creativity and mental wellness. She's a Psychological First Aid Responder with The Red Cross and she speaks to international audiences about practicing self-compassion and creativity as activism. KJ grew up roller skating along the beaches of LA County and with practice, she's returning to tip-top skating shape.
Two Free Gifts from KJ
Here are the takeaways...
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It's very easy for us to absorb messages both encouraging and discouraging. Those messages can become deeply embedded like “Don’t be too much, don’t draw too much attention to yourself”. One message we often get might be that it’s ok for you to express but not too much… and only to a point. You get to challenge this.
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Healers need healing, too.
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Sacrificing your own well-being means you can’t help your community and your world.
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You are often taught to stay under the radar and not stand out, perhaps you’ll be safer and less likely to be passed along. To blend in and not stand out so you won’t be excommunicated. Working through this fear begins with asking yourself “what feels true for me right now?” Acknowledge what you feel emotionally or physically and insert a pause.
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By telling someone “you’re ok” you are not holding space for their experience. By ASKING if someone is ok, you give them agency.
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When you are emotionally charged, you might only be able to feel one thing: how you are responding or how you are affected. By asking disruptive questions it can help take you out of the momentum or tunnel vision. In KJ’s example, she asked about the color of yellow. My example was a way to flip the switch to find joy.
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We already know what to do. We just need to remember.
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We sometimes fear abandonment so we abandon ourselves first. Sometimes we cut things off of ourselves, and contort ourselves so that we don’t risk other people leaving us first. But when we show up unapologetically… we are more authentic. It reduces our mental load.
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The more authentically we show up, the more loved we feel.
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