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Verbal attacks… spiritual tips for when you need relationship advice

I bet you can remember the last time someone hurt your feelings. It could have been your co-worker, one of your parents, romantic partner or a friend. I’m not talking about the little twinge of a minor insult or conflict. I’m talking about the sucker-punch-in-the-gut kind of hurt feelings. The kind of hurt that leaves you gasping for breath and wondering what just happened. Luckily there is a spiritual way through those hurt feelings that can heal you and may help heal the relationship. 

Now before we begin, there is something important you need to understand. In healthy relationships, there may be hurt feelings between two people who love each other. This can happen and it doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is bad. It just means there needs to be more focus on communication. It might also mean you need relationship advice from a qualified mental health professional if it happens frequently.

Is it abuse?

Not all conflicts are abusive. In fact, most are not.

Verbal abuse is harder to spot than physical or sexual abuse. This makes it important to define. Patricia Evans is a best-selling author and expert on verbal abuse. She says “Verbal abuse includes withholding, bullying, defaming, defining, trivializing, harassing, diverting, interrogating, accusing, blaming, blocking, countering, lying, berating, taunting, put downs, abuse disguised as a joke, discounting, threatening, name-calling, yelling and raging.” For more information or help, please visit http://www.verbalabuse.com/about-verbal-abuse/. If you think you need relationship advice or worry you might be in an abusive situation, please reach out to a qualified professional.

You can also consider contacting The National Domestic Violence Hotline at http://www.thehotline.org. There is an Important safety tip if you are in an abusive situation. Your internet search history can indicate you’ve clicked on that site. If you are afraid your computer use is being monitored call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224.

I am not associated with Patricia Evans or The National Domestic Violence Hotline in any way. I have received no compensation for mentioning her or The Hotline. You might be wondering why I included this in today’s blog, and for that, I’ll have you check out my bio.

What helped me remember my spiritual tools

I had one of those experiences where someone tried to verbally attack me a while back and it caught me off guard. And it hurt my feelings.

I had forgotten how easily we can turn to fear when we are hurting. Like many of us do, I went into fear…big time. I questioned a lot about myself and this relationship. Once I calmed down and worked through my spiritual tools, I regained my sense of equilibrium. But it took work, meditation, prayer and journaling. My spiritual tools are not unique, but they are really effective!  I thought I would share with you while this is fresh in my mind.

Four steps to healing the hurt from a verbal attack

  1. Remind yourself that, most often, this is not about us. It’s true, we are the ones that are hurt, but this is not about us. Hurt people, hurt people. Read that out loud if you don’t get it and it will make more sense.
  2. Remember that anger is actually a higher vibrational feeling than feeling wounded or hurt. So when you feel those angry feelings, allow them and honor them. They actually indicate that you have begun to heal. You don’t want to say stuck in anger because that is not constructive and can actually hurt you even more deeply. We are socialized that anger isn’t a healthy emotion. If you stay stuck in anger, that’s true. But it’s important to feel the feelings that we actually are experiencing, even if that feeling is anger. When you’re in that moment of anger and you’re looking to get into from anger toward forgiveness, remembering anger vibrates at a higher rate than hurt can be a useful steppingstone. 
  3. Remember that you must move on from this experience. Ask yourself once your emotions are no longer raw, if there’s any validity into what the person said or did. If there is validity, acknowledge it, and decide if action is required. Then move on from there. If there is no validity and what the person or people said, move on. Start by choosing to forgive. In that moment, it is unlikely that you will actually forgive. But just by being willing to forgive, the process begins.
  4. Ask for help from your higher power, angels or higher self. Start by asking for guidance and help healing. Setting the intention to heal and asking for help begins the process.

Don’t be afraid to admit you need relationship advice

Don’t be afraid to admit you need relationship advice and seek help from a qualified mental health professional you frequently find yourself with hurt feelings.

I sincerely hope you don’t actually need the post for a very long time, if ever. I hope that you’re not hurt or hurting. But in case you are, I hope this helps and serves. 

All my love, Brenda

Are there strings attached? You bet!! Spiritual Teacher

Why forgiveness is a process and not an event – Boise Spiritual Teacher

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