Did you know that according to Google, the search for things like “Self-help books”, “books about self-love” and “books on personal development” have very high search ratings? This tells me many of us are looking to grow, develop and learn to love ourselves in a new and better way.
A key to self-love
A key to increased self-love is personal integrity. We talk about integrity all the time. Usually, when we are talking about integrity we are talking about someone else’s integrity. It isn’t very often that we take a look at our own personal integrity. It is even less often that we take a look at the integrity we hold for ourselves.
When you say (even to yourself) that you are going to do something and you don’t do it, a destructive cycle begins. You don’t do what you said, so you get a feeling of tension in your body. You might even have an urge to numb that feeling with food, alcohol, sex, etc. Many people begin to say negative things to themselves if they don’t do what they said they were going to do. In fact, some of the self-talk is far worse than things we would ever tolerate someone else saying.
We begin to doubt our abilities when we don’t act with personal integrity. Our self-worth and self-esteem can be affected. The next time we have an opportunity to practice personal integrity, it becomes easier to not do it. And the negative self-talk and self-image continues. And the cycle has begun.
A better way
Many times, when we act without personal integrity we are overwhelmed. There is too much to do. Or maybe the task we have tried to do feels too big to manage. This doesn’t make you a bad person! This means you have an opportunity to break down the task into smaller chunks and to do a better job communicating.
There are two things that are going to make a big difference in how you feel about your own integrity: communication and activity.
If you find that circumstances have come up that mean you can’t do what you said you would do, communicate that quickly. Perhaps it’s something you promised yourself, so extend the timeline of your plan. Maybe the promise was to someone else, so you need to talk to them. As long as you let people know, you will feel at peace and while they might not like it, people will respect you for being honest. Avoid making promises you WANT to make but know you can’t keep. People would rather have you say, “I don’t have time to do this for you this week, but I wish I could help” than to have you promise something you ultimately don’t deliver.
Focus on activity
The other thing to focus upon to maintain our personal integrity is the activity. Focus on what you will do. Focus on the behavior you want to have. Don’t worry about the result. Just focus on the activity. Keep your attention on your activity and the results will follow. Here are some examples.
- Weight Loss – Rather than trying to lose 10 pounds this month (if you are just staring to diet), focus on making healthy choices. Those choices might include reducing sugar or refined carbs. Increase your exercise or change it up.
- Reducing Clutter – If you are trying to reduce clutter in your home, don’t give yourself a weekend to do the whole thing. You’ll be exhausted. Set a timer each day for 30 minutes and work on the clutter for that timer. If you have additional time (and energy) to continue, set the timer again.
- Overwhelm with work load or homework – Feeling overwhelmed with your work load or homework (your own or your kids)? Make a to-do list of action items to give yourself a feeling of being able to manage the tasks you need to complete. Ask for help if you need it! Set aside time every day to work on your list. Communicate your progress to the people you are working with. Being honest with them takes away the feeling that you have to do it all at once, and reduces chances of them being disappointed.
- Dating – Focus on reaching out to a certain number of people each week. Start with a small number. Maybe reach out to 1 person a week and see where it goes. Don’t worry if you actually go on a date, or get stuck in how the date went. Just get out there and reach out to one person a week. If you can do that, consider it a win.
- Finding a job – Be consistent and apply for one new job every day or each week. Keep up your activity level. While you are applying, if no one is responding back to you, get some resume or application help. There are lots of resources available. Some are free and others cost. Proofread everything you send in at least twice. Even try reading your application or resume out loud to help catch any errors.
Decide to focus on self-love
By setting the intention to love yourself more, you will begin to do that. You are worth it! You can’t love anyone more than you love yourself, so loving yourself deeply will allow you to love others deeply. And you’ll be able to receive love in a big way, too.
Here is a meditation on self-love. I wrote this while in a meditative state and I’m telling you… this works! I had divine guidance helping me and I hope you use it to help you, too. Here it is!
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All my love,